Idk if this is bpd or not but looking for tips and advice.
Hello I am struggling with a battle within myself and self destructive tendencies. I used to be a gang member as a teen until my early 20's, both of my parents were gang members and alcoholics I have fallen down on that path. I grew up all my life nothing but negativity and that's all I saw. But that life is stuck with me I torn between the two the old me that was there for me when no one wasn't or when my gang friends were family when my family wasn't and the new me that trying to stay positive live life right and have less negativity around me. Old me comes and destroys things that I built that is positive at times I don't know it comes out until someone tells sometimes. I watched many bridges that I built burn down due to my old life that for some reason I can't escape.Maybe I am having trouble belonging as well? But why can't I escape the old me?
@JayNative23
Please don't beat yourself up for it. It is okay to fall sometimes, that is how we learn to walk eventually.
I think setting up healthy boundaries is essential - you might need to dodge the luring feelings that would pull you down, back into the old days. This can be done by saying 'no' more often.
Saying no to ourselves may help us to stay away from unhealthy habits when the craving comes up. This requires us however to pay attention to what's going on inside our minds; that can be learned by a lot of practicing, verbalizing your own thoughts and describing your own emotions without judgement to yourself or someone else.
I guess (among others) that is what would be taught at therapy. Which is also a good option if you can afford it.
Also being surrounded by a holding, safe community even as an adult does make a lot of difference. I hope you find yours here and in person as well.
@reflectionFragment
I want to thank you for reaching out with some helpful tips I appreciate it a lot. I will set up some healthy boundaries and I will say no to my unhealthy habits or negative thoughts. I will practice verbalizing and write them down and describing my emotions, also I will try them working with someone about my thoughts and emotions without judgement. I do hope to find a holding and safe community here and around me.
I think the reason of "beat myself up for it" is one of my self destructive tendencies. Because when that happens I ask myself; how stupid are am I, why do I always do this bs, and or I'm just always going to be a mess up because that what I was all my life and told by some people close to me.
I know it won't be easy or move fast and it won't always be gone but with this tips will help me acknowledge and be aware when my negative thoughts or luring behaviors and telling myself no
For the therapy I wish I could afford but right now is a hard time, but I will be seeking some in the future when I can.
@JayNative23
Thank you for reading. :)
I understand that it must be tough to manage these problems. Most people close to us are dealing with their consequences of their own upbringing . This struggle not always but often happens within them unconsciously. To avoid facing their insecurity, they shift the blame and they project their negative feelings to the most helpless ones close to them, like their kids. That is how the cycle goes around but thankfully we can break it by working on ourselves.
You've already made the first steps like reaching out which is really good. I believe it is more beneficial if we reward our good achievements no matter how little. Punishment instills fear and only works backwards.
If you need further information on boundaies and more... I've found this forum helpful (DBTuesday):
