I don't know...

Today I saw my therapist and she asked if I was still having suicidal thoughts and I said that I am. And then she gave me this story about how a friend of hers had her and her husband genetically tested and apparently suicide is linked to certain genes. Her husband who never comes off as depressed apparently has this gene... I don't know the point my therapist was trying to make, but she asked if it was helpful to know that it could be genetic... and I said no because it doesn't help with intensity or the consistency of the thoughts. And then she generalized my suicidal thoughts to being only linked to my cycle, my sleep, and whether or not I take my meds and completely ignored the triggers that cause me to feel suicidal...didn't even ask about them, so I went another week without talking about what's really on my mind.

She then said she's not sure what else to do for me and asked if I want to see another therapist at the center. I said no, because I like my therapist, but sometimes I'm not sure if we're a good fit. Also I said no because I'm moving in about 3 months and I don't want to start over with someone new and then move. I'm just confused and feel like my therapist (and everyone else) is giving up on me. It's an awful feeling.