I feel like a fraud

I don't even feel like a real person anymore.

I have never been diagnosed anything as I never had a chance at professional therapy, but things are real sh*tshow for me for a long time now. My parents don't believe in therapy, so getting to talk to a therapist is out of question for me. I have no funds for it right now.

For sometime now, I feel everything in my life is wrong. I have so much anger to the point I started self harming. I'm always afraid that my friends (or so called people) hate me and they all talk about me behind me. I keep loosing friends, more like pushing them away cuz I feel they hate me. I feel left out all the time. I begged people to stay due to my abandonment issues. I never talked emotional with anyone, I thought no one would understand me. I didn't want to be weak in front of anyone. I feel everything is wrong now. I can't focus on anything. It's like someone else is living inside my body and I'm watching it wreck everything.

So, I came across and read about BPD in an article someone shared on Quora, and it's like I never related to anything more. So, I thought maybe this is what's wrong with me? But my mind won't rest even then, I keep on overthinking that c'mon you don't even have any real problems, you're just trying to find an excuse for all your shortcomings.

I have anxiety over the smallest things and I can't stop overthinking about everything, I've not talked to any real person other than my family in months now. My best friend won't respond to my texts either now.

i just feel so alone. But I think I'd annoy everyone if I try and tell them, so I keep it to myself.

I'm sorry, this is getting so long, but I'm very tired now. I wish just someone would help me figure it out.

????