I have Borderline Personality Disorder. AMA!

Thanks for sharing that Dawn and being so open about your experience.

Does the hole you describe ever feel satisfied?

Do you ever feelemotional balance?

Do you think having BPD has helped you in any ways?

I think it's helped me as an artist/writer. (This might also answer the next question.) I ALWAYS seem to have some emotion tugging at me looking to be expressed. It's also made me incredibly curious about psychology and therapy methods and I feel like it's inspired me in that way, as well. Without it, I think I'd be lacking in those two absolutely huge passions I have in life.

Sure, having emotions constantly running at full volume is kinda chaotic and totally hectic at times, but I feel like it's also given me a greater sense of self-awareness because I really want to UNDERSTAND what's going on. And, on that note, being a highly emotional person helps me kinda get "in touch" with the universe. It's not always bad emotions, either. I have this huge capacity, I feel, for pleasant ones, as well.

Also BIGGEST THING, is that it has given me a lot of understanding and compassion for those who are also struggling with BPD. I want to finish my degree in psychology and use my writing skills to put more information out there for those with it who want help, because I was there, and most of the literature is on how to handle a loved one with BPD. There's so much negative stigma in overall society, as well as the clinical realm, placed on those with BPD. I feel it's almost a calling of mine to help others with BPD and that's why I list it on my profile, and I really enjoy interacting with those with it and just letting them know that someone isn't judging and someone else really understands their emotions and fears and such.

Also, what things have best helped you cope with this, and what coping mechanisms have been unhelpful?

I'm not sure if extensive research really counts as a coping mechanism, but trying to understand what all of this is so I can get a handle on it has certainly helped. Aside from that, as I mentioned earlier, writing, music, and art are BIG coping mechanisms for me. However, part of the BPD criteria focuses on self-destructive, addictive, and impulsive tendencies as a quick "way out". I won't lie about that. I've had my struggles with those things, as well.

This site has actually been my first real significant interaction with others with BPD. Some of the people I interact with are other listeners, and some come to me as members, all wanting to talk about it because I mention it in my profile. I actually REALLY enjoy talking to others about the stuff that comes along with BPD. I love to hear it from someone else's perspective, but also providing that sense of non-judgment, understanding, and empathy that it's often hard to find as someone with BPD because you're so used to everyone just getting frustrated with you or just completely misinterpreting things. Like I said above, they write books for family members on how to "deal with" someone with BPD. It's not an easy task. I feel like I understand this and can get a feel for the emotions someone is experiencing and be a little more patient, understanding, and kind towards people with BPD because of that because I've actuallybeen there. (And I really don't want that to sound like I think I know everything, either. Not at all. BPD is just really complex and confusing to those who haven't really lived in that brain. 99.9% of the time, I'm told "wow, I feel like someone understands me for once in my life." and THAT makes everything I suffered through and worked through on my own feel like it was worth it. It's SUCH a powerful feeling.)

And triggered? Not so much. Frustrated sometimes? Yes. I don't really find myself triggered by much at all because I've learned this weird sort of empathetic detachment that I felt like I needed so I didn't get way too emotionally wrapped up in other people (because of the super mega emotional capacity thing). More than anything, if someone starts really opening up about BPD-related feelings or issues, I sit back and think "I've been in very similar shoes before. I know what that feels like." Why is it frustrating sometimes? The unique issues with personal boundaries and abandonment that BPD can present. That, and just seeing someone at such a hopeless point that they just want to give up and they begin hating themselves for having "so many problems". Again, not a lot of resources out there for people with BPD who WANT help. That's what I want to change. And the stigma everywhere. But even in that frustration, I'm still patient and kind. Because that's all I ever wanted from someone when I was at my worst.