I really don't know who I am
Hi everyone,
My path prompted me to post to a forum so here I am. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I have read up on traits of BPD and I can see myself in a lot of it. This surprised me at first-I had been diagnosed with major depressive disorder for most of my life.
Today I am more aware of this sense of not knowing what I really want and not being able to sit still to listen to an inner voice that might clue me in. For a long time I have been unhappy with my work and how I spend my time. I don't know how to focus on and build up on the activities that I do want to do. I'm afraid to invest time in something else and later learn I don't want to pursue it and feel like a failure and back at square 1. I'm in therapy working on my disorder and I feel tired of this too. I wish I had more motivation or joy or gratitude for being able to access therapy and get better at living with this disorder. I also wish I had more perseverance and patience.
Hi. Why do you need to know yourself? My background is Zen so I would like to know your answer for that question. (And more others😇)
@fearlessOcean2254
what you have described fits many including myself ....... i cannot seem to focus on interests i may truly want or enjoy ...... i too am afraid to invest money and time into something i may not enjoy any more then my current items so i feel stuck ..... in a circle pattern.
unhappy at work have moved around a few times and found some more enjoyable then others but none i liked enough to not keep looking.......
i look around and others must be either acting or just happy at a job I find barely tolerable..... same with home. i wish i knew the answer / i feel like i am the only one who seems to be wandering through life cause i came late and missed the instructions.......... but then i realize we are all doing taht some just chose to settle for safe and boring and must have strings holding the corners of their mouth forming a smile.
@toughTiger6481
Thank you for responding. It can be hard to break out of the safety of the familiar. I guess that's why people do the "safe and boring" routine. Do you have any advice or your own methods of dealing with these struggles?