I think my ex has Borderline Personality Disorder and I want him back!
Hello,
My ex fiance of 10 years ended our relationship 3 weeks ago. Although he hasn't been diagnosed yet, all signs point to BPD which include:
-Mood swings.
-Harmful, impulsive behaviors. like snorting cocaine, out-of-control spending (he makes lots of money, gambles, gives out money to anyone implusive buying), risky sexual behavior (he's cheated on me), and driving under the influence of alcohol.
-Low self-worth. He has an extreme hatred for himself. Lots of shame and guilt.
-A fear of being left alone (abandoned). He has stated to me before on a few occasions that he worried that I would leave him.
He feels empty and lost inside.
Problems with anger, such as semi -violent temper tantrums, over something minuscule. (Includes road rage and getting mad an inanimate objects).
Hurting himself, (he used to be a cutter in his teens).
Suicidal thoughts (he had a plan) severely depressed, feels he can't be happy even though he knows he should be.
We had an amazing relationship, we're great together, we love each other and we have a child together.
A few days ago he texted me saying he hasn't made up his mind about us not finding our way back together but only time will tell. He just wants me to be happy and for now it has to be without him.
So I've been going to counseling and he starts therapy Jan 4th. I'm hoping this time apart and the therapy will only bring us closer and more stronger together and isn't the end. But perhaps he saw that something needed to be done and that ending things was what was needed even though he said he wasn't sure he did the right thing.
Does time apart to work on ourselves help bring back a relationship?
I just want our family back again.
I think it is wonderful that you are going to such great lengths to not let this type of disorder ruin a long standing relationship. Hopefully the therapy for both you & him will allow for things to 'normalize' a bit so you can have what you deserve.
It's wonderful that you have compassion for your former fiance. Don't forget to show yourself the same type of love, patience, and compassion; you are most deserving! It is wonderful that you are both trying-- I sincerely, and deeply hope it works out for both of you.
Do keep yourself physically & emotionally safe. You may want to consider speaking with your therapist not just about how to proceed when things work out well (I am an optimist), but also how to recognize, and what to do, if things do not work out as planned.
Stay strong and courageous and keep us updated.
Giving yourself grace is one of the most powerful and difficult things you can do, especially as a mother. It sounds like you're both trying hard to do what's best for your family. Best wishes. ♡