MCMI test
Earlier this year I went through an MCMI test with my psychologist. The results came back somewhat as o expected but I'm not too sure what to think of them.
My highest scores were in scales for Avoidant personality disorder, Borderline personality disorder, and passive/aggressive (negativistic) disorder. I also scored quite high for Dependant personality disorder. My scores for anxiety were higher than for depression. I also did an autism test in which I scored as having low empathy. I suppose many of these things overlap.
Having had issues with mental health for several years since my teens (I'm 40) I wasn't overly surprised by the results although one thing my psychologist mentioned a few weeks later is that I shouldn't let mental health become my identity. I think what she means is I shouldn't latch on to these results and be like "well there's the proof, I'm definitely messed up in many ways".
In the past I admittedly was very much stuck with labels esp in my 20s. Now I'm 40 I feel like I need to start moving forward in my life and try see myself beyond these labels of mental health conditions. Maybe that's why my psychologist was getting at. I may well struggle for several more years to come but I eventually want to find a place where I can be at peace with myself. Forgive myself. And acknowledge that as flawed as I may be, Im just like anyone else.
@CatDude
Hi--that makes sense what you're saying with wanting to just live your life as best as you can and try to feel at peace with who you are and what you're doing. And feeling like maybe labels might get in the way of that if there's this association with it of, "You're messed up in all of these ways."
In certain ways, labels don't always capture reality with perfect accuracy or fully describe everything there is to know about people.
- You could take 100 people diagnosed with BPD and while they might have some experiences or general patterns in common, they would probably also be really different from one another in a lot of important ways that the label might not capture.
- If you take even a single person and follow them over time, they're going to change and evolve in all kinds of ways while the label might not register any of that and might just continue to say, "Yup, they were BPD before and they're BPD now".
This I agree with 100%. I can't speak for anyone else, but personally I can say that I have definitely been constantly evolving over the years there have been really terrible periods, not so bad periods, and good positive periods of time. Even on a daily basis our moods and mindsets can vastly differ based on multiple influencing factors. The difficulties in each period of my life may have similarities to what I went through before or be completely different. I am definitely in a different place to where I was 10, 20 years ago etc.
I have heard in therapy that some doctors are reluctant to do these tests and make such a diagnosis because of how it can become less about seeing/treating you as an individual and run the risk of putting you into a box that you can then forever be categorised in. Being aware of my own scoring is I suppose a challenge in itself in terms of how I process such information as I can choose to just submit defeat to these labels or try do something to improve on the areas it highlights as problem areas, or perhaps to word it better, areas where personal growth and development can be made.
@CatDude
That makes sense to me and sounds like it would be a helpful mindset. 😊
You've noticed a lot of change over time in terms of who you are, how you're feeling, and what's going on around you. And so your journey tends to be pretty dynamic, like you have to check in every so often with yourself: "Okay, I'm might not be the same person I was last week or even yesterday. What are my specific concerns, goals, and things I want to work on based on who I am *right now*?"