On the verge of giving up on myself...
I am recently diagnosed with BPD (and also GAD) some time back.
- Currently unemployed with close to little finances (and being all lost in life with unstable mood swings happening every few mins)
- Stuck with toxic family who only makes my condition worse day by day
- Unable to go for any therapy/medication yet since I can't afford it at the moment.
- Don't qualify for financial assistance as apparently mental illnesses is not a valid requirement in my country.
I am tired of everything.. I really got no idea what I should even do. I don't want to depend on bf for any form of support. :(
Anyone who went through similar things? How to deal with all these?
@LifelessDoll Don't give up. Who diagnosed you? Can you go back to them and ask what to do about the diagnosis?
@10ship
Hello! Thank you for the response! I didn't expect to get any responses so I am really surprised!
There is a hospital facility solely based on mental health in my country, I went there and got diagnosed as BPD (they are unsure whether it is bipolar or borderline due to the similarities both have), along with general & social anxiety.
@LifelessDoll They diagnosed you but didn't give you any realistic options for treatment??? OK, so you're at a low point, which means there's lots of opportunities for improvement. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time, but seeking help is the first step to getting help. You've already seen that there are people here who do care and will resond to you. You might also look for any mental health related groups and organisations within your reach, even if they don't specifically deal with BPD. You might make some contacts who can point you toward the help you need and want. At any rate, you've started getting help, and if you continue to look for ways to make yourself better, I believe you can get there. Good Luck.
@10ship There isn't any particular mental health groups in my country at the moment sadly for BPD. (There are such groups for depression/anxiety though)
They did suggest therapy (and support of medication), but mental illnesses is not a valid requirement for my country's health insurance (due to the government not wanting people with such conditions to qualify for health insurance), so I can't really get any subsidy. :/ Therapy wise in my country can be really costly so I am also at a loss.
@LifelessDoll I am so sorry to hear that you are going though such a rough time. I know what it feels like to want to give up and how exhausting it can be. I want you to know that you can get through this. You are strong and you can get to a good place.
Have you looked into DBT? It is a very effective treatment for people with BPD and I have found it to be very helpful. I know you can't afford therapy, but there are websites that have free info about this treatment. There is also a therapist who makes YouTube videos about mental health(many topics from BPD to coping skills and many other disorders.) I have found her to be very helpful. She also has a free self harm and eating disorder workbook on her website katimorton.com. I hope I have given a good place to start.
Please feel free to message me if you want to talk. I'd be happy to help if I can.
@hopefulPower94 Hello! Thank you for the response! I didn't expect to get any responses here so I am really surprised!
I tried seeing a doctor earlier last year, he doesn't seem helpful (he seems really bored by me for some reason) so I got depressed and gave up. :/
I'd like to ask you a question. What specifc symptoms are you struggling with? I can share my experience and what I have done to cope if you would like. :-)
@hopefulPower94 alright no worries! That is fine!
The main symptoms for me will be: Extreme mood swings (for one moment I will be happy, yet the next moment I will get really upset for no reason and start to cry my heart out/get really angry to the extent of wanting to destroy myself), no sense of self (I don't know what I want and I don't know anything about myself, my preferences are constantly changing), unstable relationships/social life (I have a history of getting into relationships mainly just to try to fill that empty void inside me, obviously that doesn't seem to work), impulsive tendencies (I have a history of overspending on random things until I am broke, getting over addicted to things like games and even tried to seek for sexual stuff as an outlet), self destructive behaviour (I get negative thoughts really easily, and whenever my mood swings comes up the emotional pain sometimes is far too much for me to handle.. so I constantly get thoughts of suicide. This year I believe things got worse for me since I completely went crazy and ended up biting both my arms until there is blood everywhere including my mouth) and also I cling to people who I care about (bf currently) since I am constantly afraid that he will get sick of me and leave, or that he will choose to cheat and abandon me. (These type of negative thoughts does take a huge toll on me a lot)
@LifelessDoll
Wow it sounds like you have so much going on right now, that's not easy to cope with. I've had a hard time holding jobs because of my BPD. There was one point where I thought about giving up, I felt like I'd never get another job. When I was about to give up, I got a job. Not my dream job, but I got a job. Now I have a job that I've been trying to get for 3 years. I only share this to show that sometimes we feel like giving up, but if I'd given up I would have missed out on this great job opportunity. So I hope that you're able to hang in there.
Coping with a toxic family is definitely hard, especially when you have no way of getting away from them. The best thing I can recommend for that is to make sure you make some time for yourself. Come on here and talk to a listener, read, write, do something that can help you get away from what you're experiencing at home.
Not being able to get to therapy or get on medication makes dealing with the condition so much harder, but it'll make you so much stronger in the end. I know that doesn't really help, but it's definitely true. As @hopefulpower94 mentioned, DBT is great for people who struggle with BPD. There are sights online such as https://dbtselfhelp.com I also post DBT skills of the week here in the forum. I try to post a new skill weekly. DBT might be something worth looking into. If you do give it a try and you need some support feel free to send me a message and I will do my best to walk you through any skills you struggle with. You can also feel free to message me if you just need someone to talk to.
I know things are hard, but you are doing the best you can do right now and I commend you for that. Relying on your boyfriend for some support, particularly emotional support, that's what boyfriends are for.
Hang in there and Stay Strong, you can get through this storm!
@InvaderStitch Thank you so much for the response! I didn't expect any responses here and I am really surprised to see that!
I am really glad that I am not the only person who constantly feels this way :/ I will take a look at the link to see! Do you have any luck recently? For me I am still really lost, and clueless.
i no you are strggoling with is but be strong you are not alone
@LeoDoseSpiritulHealing thank you for the response! :) Glad to hear that I am not the only one going through all these.
