Over reliance on therapy?
Therapy is something I am no stranger to. For the past 20 years I have been known to several different services and teams. One thing that worries me is this: becoming over reliant on it to the extent that I can't seem to have the self efficacy to manage without it.
This is something I have discussed with my current psychologist. We have 2 sessions left (unless it's extended) and I have been worried about losing her support and if I will regress without any ongoing help.
This may be bad or even a bit desperate but I have pre-empted things by registering to an IAPT service locally to fill the void in anticipation of losing my main therapist.
One thing I have been told is that it can be doing more harm than good if I use therapy as a crutch and don't develop the tools to get by without it. I understand this it makes sense, therapy is to help you become more independent in resolving and coping with difficulties. And I understand that I do fear losing what has been a positive reinforcer for me.
This might sound like a odd analogy but sometimes I feel like I'm a dog that desperately wants to please its owner (ie the therapist) and I will be motivated to engage with the services and try my best for them and make them happy and proud of me. But without them I just don't have the motivation to do it for myself and that's when things tend to go downhill again. I probably haven't described that very well but I hope that the gist of what I'm trying to express makes sense.
@CatDude
Hi,
What you've talked about makes perfect sense, and you're not alone in that!
It's something that all therapists in the field need to be mindful of, because they're not doing their job correctly if they aren't helping you to feel confident and not need therapy.
What did your psychologist say when you brought this up with them?
Hopefully, they were able to remind you of all the things that you've learned in therapy and all of the tools that you have inside of you. Even though what you are feeling makes total sense- you probably don't realise how capable you actually are and how resourceful you can truly be without therapy.
Hope that helps!
@CatDude
Hello--I think I'm understanding what you're saying. For 20 years, you've been using therapy and you've noticed that it helps by providing some motivation to do helpful/healthy/positive things since you want to please the therapist. So there's some fear of, "If I stop using therapy, I'll lose that motivation and things might go downhill."
At the same time, there's also a thought of, "Maybe I eventually need to try dropping therapy at some point, since arguably the goal of it is to reach a point where you can live without it."
I wonder if it might be possible to have some other kind of motivation for taking care of yourself? Just what I've noticed for myself is that sometimes I do definitely allow myself to "go downhill", but usually there will eventually be something that forces me to do the things that I know are helpful (e.g. work obligations, social obligations, just feeling miserable enough that wanting to feel better is intrinsically motivating lol).
POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING!
@romanticthi3f when I raised this concern with her, she explained that the service is a limited service. I'm not paying for it. I'm very lucky I got the referral to it. Im British and so am reliant on NHS services or whatever I can get referred to by my GP. I'm unable to afford therapy privately.
She said that it's understandable that when you haven't had a positive nurturing environment in the past to be afraid of not having the security of the sessions. She said it wouldn't be ethical of her to continue the sessions if I become too reliant on them. As a result the sessions are now spread out more as opposed to weekly like they used to be. Plus with COVID restrictions and the backlog I suppose I'm very very lucky to have what I have been able to get. I actually get seen in person not via Microsoft teams which I think is rare nowadays.
She is correct and I respect it entirely. Others may need the service and I know it's selfish of me to want to retain it. It's a very tricky balancing act isn't it for professionals? They have my respect as trying to find that right balance must be very difficult.
@QuietMagic I agree that eventually I am likely to find an intrinsic motivator even if it may only last a short while.
One thing I used to do when I was younger and please be warned not to read on as this may be trigger for some people..
But when I was younger and I was in a really desperate state I would do some rather manipulative things to get treatment that I wanted.
I remember once going to a hospital and being seen by one of thr liaison psychiatric team for an assessment and I brandished a razor blade and basically threatened to start cutting myself there and then if they didn't get me help.
This is something I look back on with regret. It's appalling behaviour to manipulate and emotionally blackmail or hold to ransom people like this. If I'm honest this kind of behaviour is something I've been guilty of in the past and yeah.. I'm ashamed to admit it. I'm sorry.
I would like to think I'd never do such crazy stunts again. But going back to therapy.. this is why I want to continue to have support so i don't get to such a desperate stage again.
Maybe as I'm 40 I'm having a midlife crisis and ironically feel more receptive to therapy. In the past I used to be shamefully disrespectful to therapists and provocative. As I'm older now I feel regret, guilt, and shame when I recall my behaviour from the past.
@CatDude
I can understand how that would feel risky to share if that's something you feel ashamed of like, "Ugh I wish I hadn't done that". But I can also understand at the same time just how desperate you must felt at various points in the past to receive care and the lengths you were willing to go to receive it. That makes sense though that in the present, maybe you'd feel really guilty if you were to do something like that again, so you'd prefer not to repeat that experience. So then I guess there's some fear of, "I don't want to get that desperate again. I hope that doesn't happen if I'm without therapy."
Just to throw it out there, if you're ever interested in chatting 1-on-1, feel free to use my booking form.
@CatDude
Hi,
Yes, I suppose so! There's a lot of reasons why sessions are capped; certainly a part of it is trying to ensure that everyone who needs therapy gets therapy. Other times it could be capped due to 'best practice' (like the research of CBT needing a certain amount of sessions for instance), or even just finances. In Australia, we are typically capped at 10 sessions per year which is not enough. How many do you get?
You wanting more sessions isn't selfish in the slightest! I get so frustrated with the limitations of the system and it's completely okay to both want weekly sessions as well as understanding why you can't have them.
I'm really glad you were able to talk to your therapist about this; it sounds like you've got a good one.
😊
Hello.
I just want to say thank you, because it is very comforting to know that someone else feels the way that I do.
I am sometimes told that I am becoming too dependent on therapy. But I have had a very strong desire to search for help for a long time and have done all kinds of things to convince people to help me, and force them to give me care.
I have never felt understood, and your message made me feel that way.
@CatDude
