Over-sharing and BPD?
When I read something that connected the two, at first it sounded confusing. How is over-sharing related to BPD? While it isnt one of the traits, it may be connected to some as a kind of ‘side-consequence of them. If someone over-shares doesnt necessarily mean they have BPD, but someone with BPD may tend to over-share. If it sounds confusing, dont worry - Ill explain.
Over-sharing means ‘to disclose too much personal information or too many details about oneself. Basically: to share our personal experiences, past situations, how we feel, struggles we have or had, etc - to someone we may have met recently (as an example)
Theres a few traits related to BPD and/or reasons why this over-sharing may happen, such as:
→ Having 'unstable intense relationships', which leads to trusting someone easily when you idealize them
→ Impulsivity, making us get lost in our emotions and do or say something without actually thinking through about the consequences (being ‘driven by the moment)
→ Need for validation, so we can feel ‘seen, heard and/or tell a situation or struggle, to see if is ‘real as a sort of ‘reality-checking
→ ‘All or nothing black and white thinking, so we either not share at all or share too much (difficulty in finding a middle-ground)
Over-sharing can bring some negative consequences with it. We may end up pushing people away because of how we share, or because it made them uncomfortable. Thoughts like ‘why did I say that ‘why didnt I shut up ‘what if they leave me can come and with them bring guilt and shame.
While it may be a difficult behavior that can bring guilt and shame with it, doesnt mean its impossible to manage it. It was the way our minds learned to ‘act, so if you relate to what I mentioned and feel its a struggle at times, remember that theres always healthy coping skills that can help. And if anyone has found ways to manage over-sharing that helped, feel free to share if youd like.
Last note: You can also watch this video that talks about someone's first hand experience with over-sharing and BPD
Lets discuss it!
• What are your thoughts about this ‘over-sharing and BPD connection?
• Do you relate to what was mentioned? Anything else youd like to mention?
@eviesweet
Thank you for this lovely post! Very informative and very relatable.
I have definitely had a problem with oversharing in the past. My oversharing was linked to need for validation I think. I felt like people needed to know all about my BPD and my problems to understand why I do things the way I do things, and that if I didn't tell them they'd think I was lazy or something along those lines.
It seems though I definitely have an all or nothing thinking about sharing because lately I've gone to the other end of not sharing anything. I can't seem to find the middle ground.
@InvaderStitch Thank you for sharing your experience! It's interesting you mentioned your need to explain why you did things they way you did - you wanted people to understand you, so they wouldn't misjudge you after (like you mentioned, so they wouldn't think you were lazy). I can relate with that one, although sometimes people thought I was making excuses or making them up. No, I just wanted to explain things, put all the cards on the table.
Finding a middle ground can be hard at times, but it's good to acknowledge it - and talk about it. 
@InvaderStitch I had that exact feeling. I needed to explaiN myself. I wanted to be validated and understood. I knew I was doing screwed up things or embarassing things so I had a guilty conscience and needed to come clean. Fortunately, my bpd is in remission and I don't feel like explaining myself anymore. I don't judge who does.
@ScarlettCarson
I'm glad I'm not alone! And that's so great that your BPD is in remission. I was close to being able to say mine was in remission then I had a few set backs, but I'll get there someday. :)
@eviesweet
Interesting topic! How has this idea occured to you? And why do you mainly stress the over-sharing part of this disorder? What about the undersharing, the remaining silent...
@neatSpring1585 The idea came to me when I watched a video where someone talked about over-sharing and BPD. I linked that video on the initial post, so you can watch it if you'd like.
I see why you'd ask about under-sharing, remaining silent - it's a good question. I mostly focused on over-sharing because it's one I saw more information on, and the one people with BPD said was more difficult - because people may leave, and we end up feeling guilt and shame. But I did mention shortly how undersharing may happen:
"‘All or nothing black and white thinking, so we either not share at all or share too much (difficulty in finding a middle-ground)"
The fact that we may undershare, I feel, can also lead to over-sharing on other situations. Just like an elastic. Imagine an elastic that you keep stretching more and more - the more you stretch it, the longer distance it travels when breaks or you let go. Specially when you put it together with the other traits, like impulsivity and need for validation. Not sure the elastic is the best example, but it's the one that made more sense for me, now.
I'm glad you mentioned this, because it's true and can happen. And that can be a good side of things to also talk about.
@eviesweet Thanks for your reply! Have you an idea how to find the right balance?
@neatSpring1585 Sorry for the late reply, just wanted to find a way to word my answer. Like anything in life and coping skills: depends on each person. What will work for one, may not exactly work for someone else, may need 'tweaking' or a different technique/method. One thing I did read on it was "stop and think". When realize you are getting in that cycle of oversharing when trusting and undersharing when distrusting - stop and think, specially about oversharing. 'Would I like someone to know about this?', 'What is making me want to say this?', basically stay mindful of your emotions and actions.
This can be hard at first but it also has to do with finding what works for you. Finding a balance seems to have a lot to do with being mindful and mindfulness (if you look into DBT, it involves mindfulness) - but that's the main idea. How you apply the idea, is different for every individual on what works best for them
@eviesweet Thank you! :)
