Reacting Strongly To Mistakes
I make a lot of mistakes in my relationships (platonic) and I usually react strongly to these things.
With my two best friends and sometimes my mother (others as well, but these are the main ones), I tend to react so strongly to where I'm having tremors and I can't breathe because the fear and stress is so overwhelming. I genuinely believe that the mistake I made is my final chance no matter how small it is and it gets so bad that I start to avoid contact with people that I've hurt in some way just to avoid the abandonment scenario I've come up with in my head.
I'm sure I'm not the only one, so I must ask if anyone else has experience with this? Or may even a similar experience! Feel free to contribute because every response is fine, really.
I also apologize if my wording is awkward. I have psychosis, so I have a very hard time making things concise and clear with all of my disorganized thoughts. Sorry! (This sounds like an excuse and it bothers me, but I truly am sorry.)
@cutetransprince
Your post is perfectly concise, comprehensible, and relatable.
I find that when I make mistakes in the context of platonic relationships, I obsess about them without end. It takes me very little time to own up to them, but I am constantly thinking that they must have that in the back of their mind and that they will think of me differently forever.
One thing I try to remember is that making mistakes is human, and even those who we make mistakes with make mistakes. Ultimately, there is some understanding there.
What do you usually do when you react that strongly to help calm yourself down or relax?
Lee.
I usually try to think of something else or keep myself busy. Sometimes, I even make myself talk to the person I hurt because deep down, I know that what my mind has come up with is rather unlikely.
I do try to remember that we all make mistakes. It's just difficult as I tend to be a perfectionist when it comes to myself. Mistakes aren't allowed for me is how I see it. But I am trying!
Thank you so much for your honesty. I can absolutely relate to the fear you described here. Part of recovery for BPD includes not thinking in black and white, all-or-nothing scenarios. I think this is absolutely true in terms of what we consider a mistake. I understand how confusing it can be. Have you communicated how you're feeling with friends and family members?
I've communicated this with friends, but my mother isn't accepting of my BPD diagnosis, so I don't talk to her much about it.
I'm usually reassured by friends and it ends at that, but I am still trying to overcome the black and white thinking.
I'm sorry to hear your mother isn't more supportive.
@cutetransprince
Overcoming black-and-white thinking is definitely difficult, but the fact that you're recognizing it is absolutely amazing. Keep up the great work, you're on the right path. I'm also sorry to hear that your mother isn't more supportive, but what matters is that you're stronger than this. I'm sending you lots of good vibes and strength.
Lee.
@blitheSun94
I can relate to this a lot. This post makes me feel so much less alone and like the universe sent me what I needed to hear 🙏 I have been alienating people a lot lately. I'm not forgiving of mistakes. I definitely see in black and white. I'm hard on myself and I try to protect myself from being hurt. I'm in therapy so I'm trying to think in ways that are more grey and less distorted. It's hard and painful. I'm having problems maintaining relationships. I am very selective then I feel undervalued by who I select. My family doesn't believe mental illness exists. Doesnt make it easier. I'm trying to learn about boundaries and change what I think relationships should look like.1 step at a time.
Yeah absolutely. I get violent. I get so frustrated I feel so stupid for my mistakes that I hurt myself...
I don't care much if others make mistakes. I'm always the first one to comfort someone else saying "it's ok, take your time"... But if it's my mistake OMFG!
@MaxySoS @understandingCamp1248 @cutetransprince
It can be difficult to practice being gentle, understanding, and supportive towards yourself.
Many obstacles can get in the way of self-compassion.
* Some people believe that being cruel to themselves is the best way (or only way) to motivate themselves to improve and become better people.
* Some people believe they don't deserve to be gentle with themselves.
* Some people vulnerable or ashamed for recieving compassion from themselves or others.
Each of these struggles is valid and understandable.
You can learn more about Building Self-Compassion --> here.
@cutetransprince
I know how you feel, impulse reactions can be harmful quite often--
They can be managed, though-! I believe in you <3
@cutetransprince In your experience, when you make a mistake, you experience a very intense fear that your friends will abandon you. This leads you to have intense reactions to inconsequential mistakes that you made, because you fear they will cause the end of the relationship.
You have difficulty trusting that other people will be there for you.
I've certainly experienced this! It's very stressful and overwhelming to deal with. After a single small mistake, I'll feel like "This is it! It's over!". But afterwards everything will be ok. I find it a bit funny how I overreact. Over time, it's become less severe and I'm able to forget these minor mistakes
