Recent Breakup with a BPD Girl
I have been dating this woman for over 2/12 years and I recently had to call it quits(for the 3rd time). The last time we broke up was back in February. The reason we got back together is because I was convinced that I was the crazy one who needed help and who needed to be a better partner, and I was eager to give it a shot. I recently found out she is BPD, and when I read up on it, it was terrifying to me because literally EVERYTHING that was listed perfectly described our last few years together. I have depression and anxiety myself, and even a low self esteem. She has caused issues with my friends(which she lied about) as well as my roommates, which all escalated in to me having to prove my loyalties to her, resulting in me being left without any friends. I suggested treatment to her a few weeks ago and she pretty much said that it's my fault she's being like this and I'm the one who needs help. I've tried to be so good to her, but she refers to me as abusive. To make things even more difficult, she has children who she has been unable to take care of(she lost her job, car, and license 2 years ago), but I've grown very close to them. Even now that we are not together, I constantly think about her and worry about her because I know when she gets this upset during our breakups, she's resorted to excessive drug use, cutting, and reckless behavior. I love her so damn much and she's hurting so bad right now because she loves me too. Even if we did go to therapy and counseling, I know she won't budge on her lies that tore me apart from my friends, and I don't see how we could ever make thing work again. I feel so incredibly helpless right now :(
Hello there.
Wow. I am so sorry you are going through this. It cannot be easy.
I can relate to a relationship that has broken and been fixed over and over. The thing is, both parties have to be willing to get deep in the trenches to fix it. It cannot be a one man job. Unfortunately it sounds like she is not a willing party.
You seem to be a person with a lot of love to give. You should start asking yourself if you want to continue being treated differently. A very difficult decision is to know when to let go. If she has an illness, and is unwilling to get help, than there is not much you can do.
It would be wonderful if she would come around and listen to the advice of the people around her who care. It is a massive burden on your shoulders...and maybe it is time to start taking care of yourself.
I hope my response has been helpful.
Look after yourself.