Splitting and Interpersonal Relationships
Splitting, or black-and-white thinking, is a common defense mechanism used by BPD individuals. I use this a lot in regards to my interpersonal relations. I put people on a pedestal, and then push them off, sometimes continuously cycling between. One day I can come off as sweet and caring, the next day as cold and resentful. You're either all virtue or all vice in my eyes.
At the moment, I feel an intense resentment towards my former college professor, someone I had put on a pedestal and idolized as asort of mentor for a long time. Of course, during the length of the program, there was a continuous cycle of idealization and devaluation. Now though, it's just pure resentment. Why? I have no idea. Probably a lot of reasons as to why.
It seems like most all of my interpersonal relationships are like this. All very love-hate, at least from my end.
I sometimes feel like my brain is split, ugh, and when I feel euphoric(BPD euphoria) then I think everyone sees only best sides of me, and when I feel depressed(again, BPD depressed) then I think everyone sees only worst sides of me.
People around me are either the best or the worst. I'm sorry, I'm triggered, I can't write anymore, but you're not alone...
@RavenousSoul Thank you, as always, for bouncing your voice off the forum in a meaningful way. I think you're a swell individual for being so open and willing to share on these difficult topics. I can relate to this entirely. I find I mostly do this with men. My father, my husband, my male friends, and the like. The constant cycle of idolizing followed by devaluation is a tumultuous cycle and one I am working to be more aware of. It seems to be grossly unfair to the individual at the time. In what ways have you learned to cope with this?
I can't say that I cope with it very well at all. It causes a lot of anger and sadness, and I often don't know how to deal with the devaluing thoughts towards others. It often causes me to close off from peopleand subtly show them the cold shoulder. I get frustrated with myself, them, and the thought patterns. Splitting has led me places it shouldn't have... but it is very much something I struggle with, and have coped unfavourably with as a result.
@Ravenoussoul
I admire your the way you bare your honesty. I find it helps to sort of take a step back and attempt to adopt some objectivity on the matter. I think those of us with mental illness tend to spend a lot of time in our heads, too much in fact. Becoming aware of your thought patterns and behaviors helps to alleviate some of the distress as you become readily available to notice your patterns and replace negative coping skills with healthy ones. Keep working on you. 
I understand another difficult aspect of this is finding when it might otherwise be appropriate to feel angry or disappointed in a individual, primarily when idolizing doesn't let you see it.
I do this so rapidly with my boyfriend I sometimes fear for the wellbeing of our relationship. One second he is the most amazing man on the face of this earth. Then the next, I resent him for everything he has ever done to me the past three years. This makes living together extremely difficult and I more often then not have to struggle to hide it.
@Littlegypsy2
I can entirely relate to this. I struggle because the last three years of my life have given me a crash course in poverty and familial hardship. Because of this, I become easily made to feel financially insecure. I feel I panic most if and when I feel my partner is not providing for or caring for me enough. Being equals in a partnership is paramount for me to thrive as an individual, so dissimilar ambition brings me a great deal of discomfort. Proactivity toward wellness is the only reason I've gotten this far, and I need a partner who is willing and able to grow along side me. I don't know that I will ever be comfortable stationary. Maybe one day I will be.