Super long, sorry. I just have no one to turn to. 1st gen Mexican/American

I dont know if Im doing the right thing. I was diagnosed a couple years ago. Ive been able to work out most of the core issues & feel I am taking the right path by disconnecting myself from my not so supportive family. They don’t believe in mental health & refuse to watch or learn about my diagnosis. In the pandemic i decided it would be best to begin intensive cbt/dbt therapy as well as process traumas that still very much affected me. But, a couple days ago I decided to call my mom & start there cus I felt strong enough to shut down whatever she used to try to manipulate me. I thought it went well, I was able to shut down mostly everything she tried. Then she confirmed what I always knew, that my family was only talking about me behind my back during a very dark time in my life nstead of tryng to help me they tried to convince my dad to give up on me & basically leave me out on the streets to fend for myself while struggling with alcoholism. (This was years back before my official diagnosis after years of trying to figure it all out, I am now 8 month sober, not a drop of alcohol) Well, I kind of snapped & went off on social media with a 9 page rant on how they’re hypocrites & just exposing myself & all my skeletons. Basically giving them the most to talk about while shaming them for their own bs. Not thinking about how it would make my father feel who I currently live with, but I am working on moving out & away. (his shitty mistress turned wife let me know exactly what he really thinks of me & has been for years but I refused to believe her till it clicked. His story changes, hers doesn’t, never has.) Anyways, I kept it up for 2 days. Driven by my anger&pride, not seeing things clearly, forgetting everything I learned. But, my conscience was nagging at me, so, I began to write again. Doing my best to stay mindful & aware of where I was being defensive, where was my trigger point, keeping in mind that I am not this angry lost person anymore. I apologized, said I was wrong & promised to do better. (Im just gonna stay away from social media all together.) I felt so ashamed & guilty. Sure I had relapsed, but also unsure if Im even taking the right path. Maybe, Im still weak.. I dont know, my therapist says its normal to be scared or unsure cus im stepping out of my comfort zone that is my father, while also cutting communication from my extremely negative gaslighting mother, self centered sister, arrogant golden son (oldest brother) & abusive 2nd sibling (parents scapegoat). Im the entire family’s scapegoat, this includes the extended family. But sometimes I feel like I’m crazy, maybe Im making all this up in my head & Im just delusional, specially, after doing what I did. What if its all in my head [removed by QuietMagic]?? I don’t know I need some perspective from someone who can understand, even a little bit. Cus Im currently fighting this battle alone.

_{[Edited by @QuietMagic 11/20/21 to remove stigmatizing content]}