The bpd sadness

Yesterday I sat down with my OT (Occupational therapist (OT) and told her what I had been working on and hoped that she would be proud of me but it still was not good enough. I have been working hard at getting back on to a program that really has help me so much and I left due to my bpd. I asked her if she could help me with dbt and again she turn me down, after I our meeting I had to really think about the help I needed and the help she wants me to get. There is very little help this side and so its very hard on me and I really dont know how to express my self towards her. I really want to be helped and I really want them to help me but every time we have these meetings I leave so upset and suicidal. I have been doing so much research and I have been very in to 7cups but she still thinks I need more and I really dont understand this. I think we all are different and we deal with things differently and the help that normally helps me is one on ones and long term help, I have seen how their program has changed my life but I never finish it and thats all I wanted. Even when I am weak I am strong, I find that talking helps me and music, the 80s! I really have been trying find a dbt online help and recently I found this app you guys can check out on google playstore its called dbt911 im new to it but think it helpful. As I am sitting writing this I am fighting my tears because im so upset at how the people I care about do not want to help me. It makes me feel sad and in that sense im embracing the sadness because that helps me.

Even when im going in my bpd moment I embrace it and take it step by step its important to get the right help that works for you and if there is very little help in your area you should find support like 7cups ! I wrote this poem today expressing myself bpd way I hope this helps someone out there in any way. Be strong and love yourself!

She dosent want to help me, oh help me Lord because I am feeling like..a apple but more like a lemon, with some sadness over lapping me with nothing but tears, she doesnt want to help me, oh help me Lord remain joyful because nothing is making sense, like the green balls flying in front of me giving me hope, reaching my sense of humor all over again, she doesnt want to help me, oh help me Lord find the smile in this, like going ice skating but with banana skin oh how that would be fun, she doesnt want to help me oh help me Lord because I am feeling like a plane ready to explode in the middle of the sky but then come flying down with birds that are pink pooping on her head! She doesnt want to help me but oh Lord I know you got this!