Tired
I haven't been officially diagnosed but I am pretty sure I have it and I am literally sick of it. It's hurting my family my friends, and because I am hurting them, I hate myself for it. It's affecting my daily life and I just become numb. I know I don't rly have the courage to die but I mean dying is so easy like one mistake and I am gone so I am scared because dying is so easy that one wrong decision and...
@Jjiwoo000
Hi--I can imagine feeling pretty sick of something like that. Of course you don't want to hurt the people around you if you can at all avoid it. 
And I can understand that at some points, it must feel like disappearing would be easier than having to live with that guilt and everything else that comes with BPD. (Even if you haven't been officially diagnosed, I'm sure it must be like you read certain things about BPD and feel like, "Oh wow, this description fits too well.")
If you do ever feel like you're on the verge of making that kind of mistake or "wrong decision", 7 Cups has a list of crisis phone/text lines where you can talk with volunteers who have a lot more training/expertise.
https://help.7cups.com/hc/en-us/articles/360026238093-Crisis
Feel free to add to this thread (or post elsewhere in the forum) if you'd like to share more about your experiences. Alternatively, if you'd like to have a 1-on-1 chat with a listener, your best chance of finding someone good is to look in "Browse Listeners" rather than using the "General Request" queue.
https://www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/?badge=&find=&sort=chats&ageGroup=&listType=listener&country=&category=44&gender=&language=&verifiedlistener=on
