Venting again

I miss my ex so much.

At the same time I hate her for what she did to me.

And at the same time I hate myself for what I did to her.

I'm being torn apart by these awful extremes.

Most of the time I feel nothing. Emptiness. Occasional overwhelming anger, sadness and impulsiveness but the happiness is gone.

I don't care about anything or anyone anymore.

I hate everyone else but at the same time I'm so lonely.

I want to be loved again.

My ex held me together when I was falling apart and now I'm just drifting through life aimlessly.

I don't think that there's a point to any of this.

Everything is meaningless.

My entire life is meaningless without her.

Why did I treat her like that? Why did I pull her so close out of fear of losing her that I suffocated her? Why am I so horrible?

I have this mindset of "If I'm not the best, I'm nothing"

I wanted to be her everything just like she was mine.

I'm a horrible person, completely unworthy of love.

I don't want to let anyone this close anymore. I'm too afraid.

I don't want to do anything anymore.

God I hate myself. I'm a demon. A capricious piece of filth.

She was all I cared about.