What is wrong with me

Hi everyone

A bit of background about me I am diagnosed with dyslexia and dyspraxia. I am also recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety by my doc but i don't think it is just that most of my symptoms from what i have seen point to quiet bpd.

I had a very traumatic time in schools and collages which i don't think help me.

I have been on a few different meds over the last 4 months and some give me very bad dreams and the one I'm currently on has made me very angry and more like a loud bpd were as before i was more in common with quirt bpd. I currently have a counselor and have been seeing her for around 6 months it has been up and down and i have funded it my self.

My doc just keeps giving me meds but i asked to be sent to a mental heath assessment and i got a letter 3 weeks after say that i wasn't any harm to the public and there is nothing they can do. This hit me very hard as all i want is some sort of diagnoses and help.I want to know what is wrong with me so i can work on it.

I also 2 years back had glandular fever for 5 months which then lead to me having my tonsils removed which again my doc wouldn't let me have done as i had tonalities 2 time and not 8 but each time was about 1 month each time. so i saved up and got it done private.

Dose this sound like bpd to any of you or is it something else or just me

My Symptoms

suicidal thoughts and attempts (close to death once when i was around 9)

rapid and slow mood swings

emotions feel like i a being burnt

constant paranoia of being abandon

self harm (The main reason for doing it is to realise anger and also pain but some times to get a different pain when there is a lot of emotional pain going throw me)

impulsive behaviours (cant help my self from driving very hard, road rage, out of control spending money and having know fear of harm to my self)
feel empty a lot

no trust in people like if some one says I'm good or anything nice about me i cant trust them also they sam as my girlfriend saying she loves me it just dosent feel like it

anger issues (with new meds it is more external before it was very held in)

not wanting to go out and socialise

don't like trying new things (foods or activities)

like to isolate my self and think the world is a bad place

Black and white thinking

I hate spontaneous things with out planing it put me into a big panic

worry about everything i mean everything (from upsetting a bully to using a phone)

Cant think of any more at the moment but when i went for my assessment there wasn't any questions it was more questions about weather i am a danger to the public ;(

Also i am under a lot of stress at work which is not helping at all.