When you firstly started suspecting that something's wrong with you ?

I self-diagnosed about a year ago and my diagnosis was later confirmed by a psychologist. My symptoms have been worse in my 40's than they were in my 20's. I have no self worth, few friends, I get very anxious, I flip out, I get paranoid, I used to take drugs and I get suicidal thoughts at times. I find 7cups so valuable for support. I want to get better so I am doing a DBT type course and getting a therapist to help me. I have made plenty of mistakes in my life that I regret. One day I will stop feeling guilty and be able to live a normal, happy life.

I would also say I was more sexualized than most children are or should be, which should have been another red flag. At least these days my mother now never doubts the severity of my illness.

Thank you all for sharing such peronal stories.

I always knew something was wrong with me. I never felt "normal" or the same as anyone else and I couldnt explain why. I think it hit me really in my early 20s when the responsibilities started and I needed to act like an adult. I am 32 now and I just got diagnosed with BPD. Some days it is a relief to put a name to why I am like I am and get proper support. Other days I just think why me?

@alexlove huh... i had thought to say age 10 when I was diagnosed with depression and was first hospitalized- and showed my first bpd symptoms, though they were not identified by my psychiatrist at the time. But after reading the other posts, I wonder if it started earlier because I was very anxious (abnormally so for a child) from about age 6.

never had a "normal" childhood. I was manipulated from ages 8-12. If I didn't do what this person wanted I would get blackmailed... Point is I buried it in the back of my mind. I tried drinking at age 13 and at 15 I was trying hard to get alcohol. I spiraled out of control since then. I've been on 5 medications, through therapist and I could never explain why I acted the way I did. And I could never pinpoint my alcohol, self harm, and emotional state.. My parents were just as confused as I was, I didn't care where I ended up. I'm 21 and just started learning how to care about myself and other thanks to 7 cups and events I've put myself through due to alcohol. I also have a beautiful daughter that just turned 2, she is incredible and shows me things every day. I remember growing up my sisters always called me "emotional. I put myself 2 times in the hospital because of self harm, I ended up in 72 hour holds. Thanks to my trying I have been sober and not on medication for a month and a half. I am currently single because I didn't understand bpd like I do now. And because it was a toxic relationship. I just couldn't be the perfect girlfriend. I sing but I've struggled with self esteem problems since I could remember. I don't have any friends and talking to anyone makes me shake from the inside out. Idk how I did it as a kid to get to this age. But I definitely struggle with bpd... You guys are not alone, and I'm glad to be able to fit in somewhere..

When I was about 14 I started self harming because I was so depressed about feeling like an outsider (I've never kicked the habit) and now I realise from ages 14-20 I would have a favourite person and I would dress like them and want to be them and actually believe I was them sometimes. Recently after a rough relationship my ex gf who has a dad with bpd told me she recognised the symptoms and took me to a clinical psychologist who diagnosed me with schizophrenia and borderline personality disorder.

As a child I never really felt pretty because people would constantly pick at my flaws. But I didn't realize something was wrong with me until about 5th grade because that's when my world started falling apart. My parents divorcing and my brother sent away for drugs. I started crying a lot for no reason probably just the built up emotions. But I really knew something was wrong in 7th grade when u started cutting myself and things have only gotten worse from there I'm a freshmen now and I still cut so.

At 11 or 12, I realized I was the problem my whole family had to deal with. My parents were always mad at me, not because they were stupid or mean, but because I was a just a really awful daughter. The family wasn't the problem--I was. Sort of a sudden enlightenment along the lines of "if one person hates you, they're probably an asshole, but if five or six people hate you, it's probably you who is the asshole."

I believe I've known since I was in elementary/ middle school when I realized I was different but I didn't suspect there might be something really wrong until I became fascinated with people in long term relationships and I'd be so interested to know how they stay happy.. for so long.. or how anyone can stay together long at all, I knew it when I realized patterns of me turning into a hurricane of emotions once settled or startled in a relationship

TW: suicidal ideation

I've recently realized how much I feel sad and just discontent with life in general. I focuse in the horrible things and think that life has no meaning. Sometimes I even have suicidal thoughts. �

_{[Edited by @QuietMagic 11/20/21 to add TW]}