Who am I?
Im going through a period of overwhelming depression and have spend a lot of time reflecting on my past and my upbringing. During this process I have realized that I have never had any idea of who I am. To this day I still struggle with this but looking back through my past i notice that I have completely changed who I was depending on the relationship I was in. I would become everything I thought that person would want and I would try to be more like them. I have always just sort of seen them as phases, but as I look deeper each phase was influenced by my relationship.
Some of these phases consisted of being Gothic, to a country girl who sings and plays the guitar, to trying to be gangster and listening to rap music while doing drugs and fighting, then i had a period of time after a break up from a seriously unstable relationship where I just sort of accepted that I didnt know who i was but i abused alcohol and often partook in risky sexual behaviours.
I finally met the man who i am with now (ive been with for 5 years) and when we first started dating I wanted to be portrayed as this good girl, who was sweet and innocent. Then I became his hockey girlfriend and spent alot of time in the arena. i went to college just so i could keep up with him even though i ended up blowing a years worth of tuition because i didnt even like what I was taking. I eventually turned to the helping field and graduated from college and I am now in university for psychology, and I love it. Knowing what I want to have a career in is the only thing I really know about myself.
Now that I have come to realize all of this, I dont know what to think. I have no idea who I am..
Can anyone relate. I would love to hear others experiences as well!
Thanks for reading.
@PerfectlyImperfectt21
Hello. I want to first thank you for sharing your experience with self-identity with all of us. Takes a lot of courage. It can be frustrating when you feel like you don't know who you are. And It's not too unusual that you would adapt to whoever you were dating at the time. I find that you are forever getting to know yourself as the years go by and if you never truly know who you are, that's okay too. I am glad to hear you at least know which career you like. It is good to know that, several people don't know what they want to be, so I feel this is a step up to finding yourself or at least starting to.
I myself find that I go through phases depending on who I am talking to. I am a little bit of everything. So maybe you're a little bit of that good girl, a little bit of that country girl, and a little bit of that gothic girl.. maybe all these girls are you but you just need to find a healthy middle ground where you can be happy for yourself.
Good luck searching for yourself <3
@HalliwellSister
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post i really appreciate your words and I very much enjoy your perspective. I never really thought to think of myself as a little bit of each phase I have gone through. The idea that each one makes up a little peice of who am I makes me feel alittle bit more at ease! I am also very glad to atleast know what career i want to do as well.
I hope in time I can find myself more and more until I know who I am!
Thanks once again
@PerfectlyImperfectt21
**Hugs** You're very much welcome!
@PerfectlyImperfectt21
It sounds like you've had quite the journey in trying to discover who you are. Not knowing who you are can make life confusing. I like what @HalliwellSister said about the different versions of you all being a little part of you. That is definitley a good perspective to take.
As for me, I have noticed that who I am depends on who I'm spending the most time with also. I was a total goth/athletic chick in high school (don't ask how I managed to be both), then I went to college and studied Biology because that's what my best friend was doing and I thought that's what I wanted to do. After 3 years and 60K in student loan debt I realized that wasn't really what I wanted to do. Then I took some time off from school and ended up distancing myself from a lot of people. I looked at different programs offered at different colleges and found the Behavioral Neuroscience major, which I thought I really wanted to do. But once I got to the school and tried to neuroscience classes, I learned it wasn't for me, so I ended up in psychology and for the first time in my life I feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I still have a long way to go in discovering myself, but I've found the more time I spend with myself, the more I get to know.
Spend some time with yourself, just you, and see what you find out about yourself! :)
