i'm borderline and i deserve nothing
i have bpd and bipolar disorder at the same time and i'm so sad about it
rn i'm in depressive episode
i want mania back, i don't care about destruction it can cause
i just want to feel free like i do when i'm manic
i'm borderline and my relationships with people are so fcked up
do you sometimes just stand there and think that other people deserve more than you ? because you're fcking borderline, because you'll befcking sick till the end of your fcked up life ?
and others ?????? others are happy
that hurts, you know
others deserve to have more stuff than you
i feel like i deserve nothing bc i'm borderline
i hate myself bc of it
i just can't describe how sad am i bc of that
my existence is overwhelming
i had suicide attempts
i still hurt myself but not by cutting, i do it with cigarettes, fire etc etc
idk...
it's hard to be me, you know ?
it's hard to be borderline
and my psychiatrists told me that i'm the most serious borderline case they saw
my mood changes every second literally one second i want to publish a book I WILL BE A STAR
and next second i rip all that papers upwith my stories and i want to kill myself
next second i call my friends and throw a party
and the hour before party i cancel it bc i think i don't deserve to throw a party and shit
idk
idk idk idk
i just fcking don't know
i don't wanna live
there's no cure
and i'm saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad,saaaaaaaaaaadsadadadavawdnvgnjagh about it
i just can't do this anymore
and i know i will have so many suicide attempts in my future
i feel it
i will marry so many men and then just get divorced
i will do so many stuff
why ? BECAUSE I'M BORDERLINE
borderline...borderline
hehehehehhehe nice
so nice
sad
how do you feel about being borderline ? i just want to hear people
i tried hanging out with two people with BPD and guess what ? it ended up by them telling me that i deserve nothing
so nice
gosh
i'm born to be tortured
...
my name's elizabeth btw.
Hey Elizabeth. I am sorry to hear that you suffer so much. I don't believe anyone deserves to have to go through bad stuff like that. I also don't believe no one deserves anything. you're a human being and you deserve the same stuff other humans have. I see you're no longer around and that this was posted a year ago so I hope by now you're feeling better
@okomglolwtf Honestly, I'm sort of the opposite of that, but then again, I have NPD instead of BPD. I always feel like I'm too good to have my own life, like I deserve so much better and like I shouldn't have to work as hard as everyone else because I'm already on a superior (for lack of a better word) level than they are, like I have more raw potential so that should exempt me from having to do things that are below me. I also tend to feel like other people in my life don't do enough for me or aren't good enough for me, again, like I deserve way better. I feel that I deserve the best of everything and I get hella pissed that I don't have it.
