my favourite person abandoned me

first i would like to start off by mentioning that i was not diagnosed by a professional. i do have many symptoms of bpd and this whole “favourite person” thing is what i relate to the most, so i’d just like to write my experience here.

it was clear right from the start that this type of dynamic would develop with this person. atleast not to me at that time, but now that i am more familiar with “favourite persons” i understand why it was this person in general and not anybody else. i’m not going to go into detail but long story short this is one of the more unfortunate scenarios of a favourite person relationship because they were extremely emotionally unavaible and of course somebody like that would never want anything to do with a clingy, jealous and emotional person like i was.

i have sadly also been in one of the worst scenarios for somebody like me who presents many symptoms of bpd. abandonment. i remember my parents threatening to abandon me over little things as a little child and that’s why i clinged, texted so much, and yet again, to no avail. they’re gone now but i still wait for them everyday like i’m a loyal dog. reading old texts, making up scenarios, literally everything i can. i don’t feel doomed. i feel extremely sad, yes, but i don’t feel overwhelmed with doom or mania. i never even cried over this person ever, not once. still, i just can’t believe this is happening still.