Emptiness and lack of sense of self
BPD here.
Lately I've been struggling with emptiness. It feels like a damn void. I don't think I've felt a genuine emotion for the past 2 weeks. It's draining me. I also feel like I don't know who I am outside of my job. Like I'm in a really good position in my company but I can only say what I'm regarding to my job, not what I really am like. I don't even know tbh. Today at work I had a meeting and we had to introduce ourselves and seeing how everyone easily told about themselves made me a bit angry. Like sure I talked about my position but that's it. Everyone else was throwing in some personal stuff as well. I know damn well that it triggered me and I needed a few minutes after that. But even when the anger passed I felt absolutely nothing.
So right know this is what I struggle with. I don't really have anyone to talk to because no one around me has BPD (I'm also diagnosed with MDD) so I'm completely alone (maybe sometimes at my own fault for isolating myself).
Anyways, I thought maybe some of you relate to this and maybe could give me some encouragement?
Thank you all for reading this and if you reply, thank you as well.
@Xander28
Hello Xander!
I had BPD and I also do have DID.
So I can relate.
When I was in high school I felt like nothing but a highly functioning shell. I also had no feelings.
They were buried. Too much medication will do that also. Been there done both those.
Welcome to 7 Cups!
@Xander28
Hello Xander,
It's incredibly draining and can make you feel disconnected from yourself and others.
Feeling like you don't know who you are outside of your job is a common struggle, especially when you invest a significant amount of time and energy into your career. Your worth goes beyond your professional accomplishments. Perhaps take some time for self-reflection and explore your interests, hobbies, and values outside of work. Engaging in activities that bring you joy or trying new experiences can help you reconnect with yourself and discover other aspects of your identity.
I understand how the meeting at work triggered feelings of anger and frustration. It's difficult when others seem to effortlessly share personal aspects of their lives, while you may feel unable to do the same. It's okay to take your time in opening up. When you feel ready, you can gradually share more personal aspects with trusted colleagues or friends when you feel safe and supported.
It's normal to feel isolated when you don't have anyone around you who fully understands your experiences with BPD and MDD. However, you're not alone. There are communities and support groups, both online and offline, where you can connect with others who can relate to what you're going through. There is hope for brighter days ahead.
