Episode and Relationship
My boyfriend doesn’t equate hugs with helping he sees it as a weakness. When I have a trigger or a BPD wave and am crying and want a hug, he couldn’t hug he because he was confused why I’d want one when I was upset. It was confusing. Out of nowhere I had felt sad and down, and tears wouldn’t stop falling for like an hour and I was very dissociative. And finally we we ok but I was exhausted trying to explain why i needed a hug and was so upset he couldn’t give it to me.
@lifeishard78
My boyfriend doesn’t equate hugs with helping he sees it as a weakness. When I have a trigger or a BPD wave and am crying and want a hug, he couldn’t hug he because he was confused why I’d want one when I was upset. It was confusing. Out of nowhere I had felt sad and down, and tears wouldn’t stop falling for like an hour and I was very dissociative. And finally we we ok but I was exhausted trying to explain why i needed a hug and was so upset he couldn’t give it to me.
That sucks, I’m sorry. That sounds awful :(. At this point, there’s nothing you can do about what’s already happened, but what you can do is make sure it doesn’t happen again. If you have a whiteboard, or better yet, a cardboard/book which you can write on with permanent marker, write down something like ‘give me a hug, no questions asked’ (In all caps, if you prefer!). Then you can keep it somewhere you’ll remember it, or just hang it up somewhere, so you can point at it and he’ll understand that hugs are necessary. I hope you recover well, crying is always exhausting. Don’t forget to take a nap and eat something. Sending love <33
@lifeishard78 I'm so sorry to hear about your most recent episode and how your boyfriend was not receptive to your needs during the time. However, I'm happy that things calmed down and hopefully you are feeling better. ❤️
As upsetting as it may have been that he couldn't understand why a hug was so important to you, I hope you forgive him and realize that we are all built differently. For some, hugging brings comfort! There's healing in touch and hugging releases oxytocin. It can also bring people closer together. However, some people are not big on it and that's ok too. Take for example someone who is not comfortable with touch. While hugging may be beneficial for you, to another it may not. Some people don't want to receive hugs because they may not like being touched when their in a not so good mental state. Personal space and time may be best for them and that's fine too!
Hugging seems to be one of those things that can soothe and provide you comfort and that's great. Perhaps, explaining to your boyfriend how it helps you in a big way would help. Sometimes if people don't know it makes it hard for them to understand that we are all different. Your boyfriend should be one of your supporters and compromise is ideal. I hope you are able to get all the hugs you need and deserve whether in an episode or not. I hope you know you deserve to be happy! Sending a big hug your way and lots of healing! 🤗
hi @lifeishard78,
