I'd like some insight
With those who have borderline personality disorder does it ever upset you how society makes it seem that those who love you must have something adrift in order to love you?
I say this because my late husband had it and people made it out to be like I was a narcissist or someone who was not all there in order to love him. I mean no offense to those with narcissism I see the gray and not black and white.
Its just something that has always hurt my heart after being such a young widow. I'd love to hear from people. I'm Maggie by the way.
@turquoiseLunch7287
Hi Maggie, welcome to 7 Cups 💜 I'm sorry that people are being so dismissive of your care for your late husband. I don't have BPD myself, but just in my experience talking with so many people who have it, so many of them are beautiful, caring, thoughtful people who are trying their best.
Appreciate what you've said about things being gray rather than black-and-white. Are there any particular things that you really appreciated about your husband that you feel like other people might be unaware of?
Thank you for the kind words, I'm really liking 7 cups thus far. Its helping me heal from a lot of pain and trauma.
My husband committed suicide and I became a widow at only 29. I'm 37 now and just now able to heal. He was a former soldier and I went through four and a half years of domestic violence before fleeing. My in-laws robbed me of his burial and it took me two years to clear my name after being blamed for his death and to obtain my benefits which I used a part of to save refugees from the Ukraine war. I'm really proud of that.
I will say though he did also have schizophrenia and was an addict. I know I will love him not in a Stockholm Syndrome way but in the way that I haven't loved that deeply since. Though I'm hoping to love like that again.
He was five years younger than me and he was so funny and boyish. He had this love for me that lasted to his death and losing me was his biggest regret. He had excellent taste in music and I've never experienced that kind of affection and intimacy before. It was out of body.
Sadly when I first met I put my head on his heart and knew it would end tragically I couldn't stop crying. I fell in love with a ghost. I often think what he would be like sober and healthy with a few grey hairs and crows feet.
What is your name? You made me tear up in a good way. I always wanted someone to ask me that. Thank you so much for the support.
@turquoiseLunch7287
That's great to hear that 7 Cups has felt helpful so far.
Wow, that sounds like a very mixed set of experiences with your husband. (And then after all of that, having the in-laws blame you for his death and try to rob you of benefits. 😟 That sounds super-meaningful that you were able to help refugees with some of the money.)
Positive/valued experiences with your husband
-Deeply loving/affectionate/intimate connection that hasn't happened since
-Knowing he cared and regretted acting in ways that forced you to leave
-Funny
-Shared taste in music
Negative experiences with your husband
-Years of domestic violence before fleeing
-Mental health issues (schizophrenia, addiction)
I'm guessing it sort of oscillated back and forth between those two poles (him being really sweet, him being someone that you felt scared of). It's a shame you didn't get to experience a fully healthy, healed, sober version of him.
(My name's Josh 💜)
