Is BPD hurting my ability to communicate with my girlfriend
So me and my girlfriend had a fight about a week ago, it was over her going out alot more and being very distant all of a sudden, when I had tried to communicate that it was bothering me, I dont think i said it in a way that helped, in fact I ended up apologizing at the end, which hurts alot and makes me feel unheard. We've been together for just over a year now, and we would be inseparable when I would get home from work, it was almost everyday that I would go over and help take care of her and the house chores, but all of a sudden she says she feels trapped and that she wants to be out more, which i understand, just feels like maybe 5 days a week going out and probably drinking doesn't seem like just needing to go out. And I have tried to ask about it with a few online threads and have gotten probably the few answers I didn't want to hear, but i know she isn't leaving me, just feels isolating and I dont know if how im feeling and my thoughts process is correct, I would love the guidance.
@aquaCircle304
Hi, welcome to 7 Cups 💜 Makes sense what you're saying about the communication with her feeling unsatisfying. You were feeling hurt and had a complaint that felt legitimate and you wanted that to be understood (i.e. you went from being very close to a while to now suddenly feeling distant and that bothers you). But maybe because of how you said it, the conversation drifted toward you ending up apologizing, and your underlying problem/feelings didn't really get addressed.
In a BPD context, one system that's often taught in DBT for giving feedback or asking for something is DEAR MAN:
https://www.7cups.com/forum/personalitydisorders/Resources_2667/Module4InterpersonalEffectivenessDiscussion4DEARMAN_277327/
Just from what you've shared, I don't have any reason to assume that either of you are doing anything wrong. Sounds like you were happy with the situation before, but maybe she wasn't (and only recently realized it or built up the courage to push for a different arrangement?)--and then that change was sudden/surprising to you and felt like it swung the pendulum too far in the other direction. I hope you're able to find some kind of mutual compromise where you both get what you want.
Thank you, it definitely helps to hear it from another person, I really do hope me and this girl work out