Life Post Diagnoses
I always thought once I knew what my “thing” was I’d feel a certain sense of relief. Like I would gain a sense of control. A couple weeks ago, I was told it’s believed that I have avoidant disorder. I always thought I was somewhere on the spectrum or neurodivergent in some way. That I understood. It made sense. But it also wasn’t something that could’ve been controlled by me or anyone else. Having avoidant disorder on the other hand, could’ve been as it’s caused by deep seated trauma. I already struggled with insecurities in my masculinity and learning this has 10x’d those insecurities. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this stuff so I’m further self isolating and when I’m not I’m staying in unhealthy bonds because I can’t tell what’s self isolation due to the disorder and that’s self preservation. It’s been a rough couple of weeks.
@Urkelboi
Hi there, thanks for posting. 💜 Makes sense what you're saying that rather than alleviating stress, the potential diagnosis has sort of amplified it (e.g. insecurities around masculinity, not being able to share about this development with other people).
Also makes a lot of sense that if you don't feel like you have people who are safe to talk to about this sort of stuff, then deciding not to share maybe feels like it could be "I'm maintaining safety and that's healthy given the situation" as opposed to "I'm self-isolating and that's unhealthy". A lot of adaptations to trauma are ways of surviving difficult situations, and I personally feel like it's helpful to see that as something pretty healthy and understandable at its core: "if I don't do this, then things will go seriously wrong in ways that will probably hurt me a lot".
Re: the person who told you that they believe you have AvPD -- are there any next steps? Like, if it's a therapist who mentioned they thought you had AvPD, are they planning to help you with it?
I appreciate your response and thank you for validating some of my thoughts. But it was a psychologist who performed my psych evaluation. He suggested my primary therapist and I work out a specific plan and gave me a book to read. Based on my research therapy and group therapy are the only courses of treatment.
@Urkelboi
"He suggested my primary therapist and I work out a specific plan and gave me a book to read."
Talking with your primary therapist about it and figuring out what to do next sounds like a solid idea. 👍