Lying and bpd

Context: I have bpd and I lie compulsively whenever I feel like someone is about to abandon me. I want you to be extremely honest about this situation

So I've liked this girl for 2 months now, we flirted and she even said we were in a situationship, let's call her Lily. Lily and I have this mutual friend, let's call her Rose, we are all on the same course at the same university.

Rose had some rather toxic behavior despite that she is a great friend, but at a certain point I got fed up and decided to vent to Lily about this, and that's how we got closer. We both often vented about Rose's behavior. But the truth is that Rose didn't like Lily either, she had already warned me that she was a bit manipulative.

One day Lily simply disappeared and I was extremely worried, I sent a lot of messages and she was still online on *** without showing any sign of life. When she responded it was short and blunt, and I spoke to Rose about it, Rose told me that our friends were planning to move away from her due to some attitudes, she also told me that everyone knew we were sort of in a relationship and I stated that we really were.

But I wasn't satisfied and I wanted to know once and for all what was really going on with Lily, so I kind of lied. The conversation with Rose had already happened 2 weeks ago, and I said it had happened in the present, I told her the conversation we had. Lily responded rudely and said that she was already with someone else, I was in shock and my fear of rejection spoke for me, I said that I was also already with someone else. Meanwhile, Lily said she was going to talk to Rose to sort things out, and I got scared and started lying more, my solution to resolve the situation was to pretend that Rose had spoken to me and apologized, I sent a fake screenshot to prove it. Now I'm afraid that one of them will find out, because I don't want to lose everyone. I know that what I did is extremely wrong, the anxiety of someone finding out is consuming me.