When will it get better

Well howdy anyone who sees this. I guess I just want someone I can talk to about all this. Theres so many aspects.

I haven’t worked a real job since April 2024. All because one car accident that gave me trauma from head to toe. Especially head. Severe TBI, less than 5% survival rate. I was in a coma for 8 days. But that’s old news. Now I’ve been sitting in my boyfriend’s parents house being taken care of and not really getting out of bed except for surgeries and appointments. I gained my walking back, gained my hearing back, my vision is almost back to normal. Hopefully my last strabismus surgery will be on the 30th.

Without giving all the details, I’ve had 7 surgeries in the last 6 month. I go to multiple doctors regularly, 5 different doctors but each seen every 6-8 weeks, max. This is after being ‘normal’ my whole life. After high school I never saw the doctor, unless I had to, I guess.

I am also very independent so having my boyfriends mom taking care of me? It’s causing a lot of anxiety and issues because I have a hard time accepting the help I know I need. Though she is a bit extra sometimes.

it’s been almost 3 years. I’m still off balance, depth perception issues , double vision, drop foot, one eye at 40% mobility, and do we need to touch on my mental health?

To put it as simple and straightforward as I can, I’m on an antipsychotic, a mood stabilizer, an as needed for panic attacks, my migraine medicine doubled as an antidepressant… They have also been trying to get me in therapy the entire time since before the accident, more adamantly after the car accident. I won’t for some reason. Well I guess I know why but here we are, no therapy for me.

i get so sad about the way my life is. I went from working 50-60 hours every week, I was a grown woman (21) who knew how to at least do her hair. When I woke up after the accident all I could say was help. I sure didn’t remember how to do my hair. I didn’t get that information back until I sat and tried to remember because my hair was so ugly and tangled. Even then I remember the bare minimum and I had to relearn how to handle it through just living. Like I did after I hit puberty and my hair became curly.

I am constantly falling. That is why I had ankle surgery on the 14th of March, I was in my own bathroom and lost my balance and fell, rolling my ankle so bad they had to put 2 screws in. A month ago at the end of January I tripped over a little stump at the entrance to a hotel and faceplanted so hard I chipped my front right tooth in half.

I was only going to put essential info but I guess I got away with myself. Do you get the image? I feel like I will never get away from this. Even when I’m 50, I will still have the brain damage, I will never be the girl I was before the brain injury. Bones heal, that doesn’t, at least mine won’t. Permanent damage and all that. I’m on all those medicines and I’m still SO unwell, I just don’t communicate that to them. I guess if they had the appointments on the right days and asked the right questions I would. But it hasn’t happened yet so I sit every day and think of how awful I am. I am awful, I could give you reasons for that too.

I don’t really want a therapist? I just want to talk, it doesn’t have to even be about this, maybe just at first LOL. I have no friends at all, I haven’t for a while and even though I’m not the most social I still want a friend or two, or just someone to talk to one of the many times I’m thinking about all this. It’s hard, trying to do this. Without my boyfriend I would have died a long time ago.