how do you come to terms with a diagnosis?
i have been studying psych theory for a while now but did not realise until recently (upon delving into the psychoanalytical understanding of things) that a majority of my symptoms/issues are explained in the literature dedicated to personality disorders. ever since i have had a crude understanding of what a personality disorder entails, i have felt that this could possibly explain what i have been dealing with all my life. i have religiously read the DSM and could not really relate to or grasp what the descriptions of the disorders under this section meant. this is not to say what i have learnt now and on the basis of which i have (crudely yet with a lot of deliberation) self-diagnosed is all accurate. but the experience has never been better explained until now. it also does not mean that i have always known what was wrong. i have had a general feeling of something that has been off but has proven to be very proving very hard to point towards. it doesn’t have to be factual for others, i do not really care unless you are an informed clinician who has guidance/ better insight into the same.
i guess what i really want to know is has anyone had a profound shift in their sense of self-awareness upon encountering such information/ clinical diagnosis? it’s almost unbearable to live with myself having read all that. i want to read and understand more, but the literature is scarce/ feels awfully pessimistic in its tone. then there’s sections that i don’t think i necessarily relate to but the fact that the conditions in their entirety feel so pathetic. like there’s no way out. therapy too says that i am one of the difficult patients and that the change barely amounts to anything. how strange it is to be anything at all.
@ourchemicalhearts
Hi there. 💜 It's been a long time since I've looked at psychoanalytic literature on personality disorders, but I remember there was a time when I sought it out and I fell in love with it. I think it was for a couple reasons:
1) It had a certain kind of intimacy, sensitivity, and empathy that I haven't really found elsewhere. Sort of like it's working from the inside-out ("this is what it's like to be you") rather than the outside-in ("these are your symptoms; prognosis is poor").
2) It felt like it approached personality disorders as something that's continuous with normality and just like it's tapping into existential or universal problems in a particularly sharp or painful way. Everybody has similar layers/structures of depth, and it's not a situation where a specific person is fundamentally/intrinsically different from the rest of the population.
In terms of pessimism, honestly I don't remember necessarily feeling more hopeful or optimistic after reading Guntrip, Fairbairn, Balint, etc. But it felt comforting just to read someone describing certain experiences in an eloquent and caring way.
(I have some controversial feelings about DSM-style clinical language that I mostly keep to myself because I feel like I'm in the minority in how I view it, and it's painful to have a sincere conversation about it with the opposing perspective unless if they're pretty open-minded.)
A book that I haven't read myself but have heard great things about is "Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety" by Elinor Greenberg.
Would love to hear more about anything you've come across, either good or bad, and how it's felt description-wise.
