How do I stop being such a narcissist?
It took a few close friends' tough love of the silent treatment to really make me realise how much of a horrible person I am. I never saw how narcissistic I was. I have to be the center of attention. I have to stand out. I have to always be right. Jokes aimed at me are taken as genuine insults... But I also care about others. I want to give people what they want. I'll buy people things they want. I'll sacrifice my time for someone. If I won the lottery I'd probably give it all away to every sob story that comes my way. Yet somehow I do this for a selfish reason. I want to be liked. I want to be loved. I'll do anything for it. But I want to make everything about me at the same time. I air-out my dirty laundry to anyone who'll listen in hopes of them showing me a shred of sympathy. I crave it. Even now as I write this, I'm hoping someone will dump a bucket of warm sympathy all over me and tell me sweet nothings. But I don't need that. I realise it now. What I need is to stop feeling like the world revolves around me--That my problems should be the focus of everyone. I need to be responcible for my own issues and not expect someone else to fix them. I know how this whole post sounds--narcissistic. And I don't mean it to. I'm desperate for guidance. I just want to be a better person and friend.
@Krys403 Hi there! I think that your post is very insightful - you seem to have a nice grasp on what's going on in your life. That awareness is key in growing as a person. Recognizing your flaws is the first step - but as you've posed already, what comes next? As mentioned before, therapy would be helpful, but I understand that it is not always a viable option. However, there is hope! Feel free to connect with a listener who specializes in personality disorders. Also, this link I've found may help you out. Take care!
This seems so much like me. And you know what sucks? There's no help for us online, no tips on how to get better. All of the articles are just about how "evil" we are. That may just be the self pity talking but it's not cool that we can't get help. I've recently started discussing my tendencies with my therapist so hopefully that will help. But all of this aside, I sincerely hope that we all can get better. Good luck guys ✨
Its me too. I lived with a narcissistic mother and I was the golden child. I escaped from her clutches and really I have borderline nature but so narcisstic too. I want it to be all about me. My emotional needs are overpowering. I hate myself for this.I know I dont have narissistic personality disorder but that is not much help at this point in my awakening
@Krys403
Thank you for sharing your realisations of what you need to sort this out. I am going to think on what you have said to see how I can do it for my self..
@Krys403
Wow. I'm so proud of you for accepting what you have and that you are willing to change. That's a great first step.
This link might give you some tips: The 8 Step Process On How To Stop Being A Narcissist - Learn Relaxation Techniques
This post is absolutely incredible and thanks for posting it 3yrs ago.
@Krys403 I relate to this post so much. For a long time I denied that I was a narcissist because I'm severely codependent and would do anything anyone asked, but I now realize that I wasn't doing any of it to be nice to the other person or because I cared. It was so they would like me and so I could feel like the victim or martyr.
Something that I'm doing now to try and increase my empathy is to watch videos on YouTube where people who are in really bad situations or have been through really bad stuff talk about their lives. The channel is Soft White Underbelly. I don't know if it will help, but I'm trying to watch those and really pay attention and put myself in their shoes. Like I said I have no idea if it will work, but it's worth a shot!
I don't really know if lack of empathy is your issue, but I know that's a thing for a lot of narcissists so I figured I would share. I hope everything works out for you!
@MyChapstick
I feel like for me personally, the entire concept of codependency was pretty counterintuitive at first. Sort of like, "What's wrong with doing things to try to make other people happy?" 💜
What made it click for me was being in a situation where someone was asking more of me than I wanted to give, and I sort of had this realization of, "Oh... there are certain things I'm not willing to do no matter how much someone guilt-trips me or how much they accuse me of being insensitive. I have a right to say no to giving certain things and that's something necessary for my safety."
Then once I recognized that for myself, I started generalizing it to other people and realizing, "If I value freedom, so do other people" and my behaviors toward others started changing. Like I was suddenly aware of some moral dimension of relationships that I hadn't really considered.
