How do you know if you have an EP
Sooo I have this friend who's basically a sibling to me, like they're leagues above other people but I still don't feel any empathy for them aside for "they're almost on MY level so if anyone insults them I will EXPLODE THEM"
I don't think I've ever had an EP before so if anyone has and would like to help me out it would be much appreciated!!
@skwinkles
Hi there. 💜 I haven't heard that acronym EP before in the context of personality disorders and am not familiar with what it means. I tried Google searching for it and couldn't find anything. Could you explain what that is or direct me to something that explains what it is? Thanks!
@QuietMagic EP = Equal Person
it's like a favorite person but for NPD
@skwinkles
Ah, thanks--that makes sense and that's a helpful analogy.
I don't have NPD, and I don't know what an EP is (as you saw, lol). But I'm interested in trying to understand what things feel like and where EP might fit into the picture.
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I'm kind of imagining that it's like most people fall into a couple buckets:
1) NPCs - "these people are in the background and don't really matter. They could disappear or get replaced with other NPCs and I wouldn't really care"
2) Supporters - "these people are aware of my goals, accomplishments, sense of self, etc. and they admire/care about what I'm doing and affirm that it's important, special, unique, significant, superior. They're still 'beneath' me in the sense that they're looking up at me though"
But then EP is like a third category where someone feels like a kindred spirit ("they're like me") in some way (e.g. goals, personality, values, identity, etc.) -- but somehow it also doesn't cross a line into jealousy or feeling threatened by them.
And maybe the relationship with them functions primarily in terms of them propping up a shared/common sense of identity ("us vs. them"). There's something that sets the two of you apart from everyone else and makes both of you special.
***
I'm completely speculating/guessing here. I wonder if any of that fits at all?
@QuietMagic you're cooking with gas honestly
not a lot of NPD resources out there so this actually helped a little thanks
@skwinkles I feel everyone has a bit of an ego at times, but we have to look at why, and have to learn to channel it. Nobody is above anyone else, but we feel we are at times and in certain situations. You were probably born this way from caregivers neglect and conditioning, striving to be competitive and having to be the best, and outshine everyone else. Toxic parenting or whoever raised you. It's awful. I have a friend who struggles severely with this. He always has to have the best, beat everyone else, be top dog in every single aspect of his life, and he's hating himself more and more. It's one thing to have power and control and another to overdo it. Everyone one of us has narcissistic traits, as we're all a little arrogant at times, but it's not good to have it all the time, but understand where you're coming from. You're good regardless. If someone beats you, a lot of people have a hard time accepting that they're good just because someone else beat them, they can't accept failure. Failure is part of growth. Perfectionism doesn't exist and the more you chase it, the more miserable your life will be. Just do the best you can and learn to be okay with that. I know I'm saying that and it's going out the other ear most likely because you were never taught that your entire life. Uncondition your negative, conditioned thoughts and behaviors. I know it's not easy to change what you've been doing for so long, and a lot of these behaviors are coping mechanisms for our minds.
