Not coping after Dismissal.
Hi. I'm new here and needing a lot of support at the minute.
My ex walked out on me 6 weeks ago. He's got a NPD (not diagnosed). We where together 6yrs and have a child together. It been a tough 6yrs. He's left me twice before in the time. In May 2014 for 2 weeks, in May 2015 for 6 weeks and now in May for well ever since. He blames me for him leaving when in reality it's because of his drinking problem and the fact I've tried to get him to sort it for the sake of the children. He's been abusive, violent, all the blame has been put onto me. He's told everyone I'm a bad person and I won't let him see the kids, when really he hasn't bothered with them in the the time he's been gone. In the weeks before he left though his drinking was getting OTT. He was passed out every weekend around the children. Which is of course my fault. And every time I confronted him about it was a fat ugly mess that doesn't deserve him! I know I should be greatful that I don't have the abuse or drinking in my life anymore but like a true victim of narcissism I can't get my heat around the sudden dismissal. I can't stop thinking about the happy him and the him that was a great BF and dad. I can't help but blame myself when I know it's not my fault! I'm struggling so so much. I don't have the luxury of cutting contact. I've tried. He just turns up at my house. He's spent 1hr30 minutes with the kids in 6 weeks and when I tell him that they deserve better than that I'm called bitter. I need help. Advice.
@EmLou87xo
i have read for several hours everyday for the past 118 days, mostly online. It has been the solution in addition to No Contact. Zero. Plug every hole, phone, email, text, Facebook, and the phone numbers and emails of every single mutual friend.On day 111 all the pieces of the puzzle came together and here it is: Snakes bite because they're snakes.It's instinctive. It's in their nature. Narcissists, whether it's nature or nurture or a combination, act instinctively. It's in their nature. To hate them or blame them or try to fix them is a complete waste of time. If you try to love them you will be bitten. Take the closest exit. Seek shelter. Never look back. They will not change. They are dangerous.
@Grce I can't cut contact. I have children with him. I have tried blocking his number and blocking him on social media. He will just turn up at my home. I know what Narcs are and what they do and that they are hurtful, selfish people. Doesn't stop me loving him though. I spent 6yrs with him and dealt with everything he threw at me in that time. I have read everything possible online to do with NPD and it says everywhere that Narcs can't be in relationship and can't love. Why was we together for so long then and why did he act like he loved the bones of me and our family. The very last thing he said to me before he left the next day because of an argument about his drinking was 'I love you!'. None of it makes any sense to me. That's why I'm not dealing with this well. It's been 6 weeks and I'm just as heartbroken as I was the day her left. He is still now saying and doing things that are meant to hurt, abusing me and threatening me. Why, isn't it bad enough that he's left me and his family. What good is carrying on the upset and hurt going to do?? Why does he want to hurt me when he knows myself and his kids love him. None of it makes any sense.
