DBTuesday: Cope ahead
Heya everyone! We already talked about the ABC PLEASE skill some weeks ago, but I wanted to come back on a part of this emotion regulation skill which seems pretty interesting: the cope ahead skill.
This skill’s intent is to have us consider how we could get ready for an upcoming situation, so as to reduce the stress and handle the situation better and already have some ways to cope with it. It is basically rehearsing before a presentation, except this presentation could be any situation!
1. Describe the situation, go over the facts and try to identify what might be the outcomes and which emotions and resulting actions might be triggered by the situation.
2. Decide which coping skills or problem-solving skills you want to use in this upcoming situation. Try to list them and describe in detail how these skills are going to help coping with the possible emotions and actions triggered by the situation.
3. Imagine the situation happening and rehearse the coping strategies you will use. If this rehearsal brings up new problems that you hadn’t plan, you can go back to step 2, find how you will cope with these new problems and rehearse again. The goal is to rehearse how you can cope effectively with the worst case scenario so as to be as ready as possible.
4. Practice relaxation after rehearsing as this can be a tiring task. It is okay if you don’t get it right from the first rehearsal, the cope ahead strategy can be a kind of cycle: thinking about the situation and the coping skills that can be used, rehearsing, adapting your coping strategy, rehearsing again. This is really like preparing a presentation!
This cope ahead skill can be helpful for (at least) two things. First, you will have a coping strategy ready for a potentially triggering situation, which will help you deal with the afterwards of the situation. Second, knowing you are prepared for the situation might help preventing making you feel helpless and distressed, it might help reduce the stress and thus might help the situation go much better.
Discussion questions ~
Do you think this skill could be useful for you? In which situations could you use it?
Do you already use this skill or parts of it?
Do you have a specific situation in mind that you’d like to practice here?
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@LinearWaves
1. Do you think this skill could be useful for you? In which situations could you use it?
Yes, it could be useful.I could use it in many situations.One specific situation is one that just happened about 45 min ago.I was in the den, the room in which I sleep, and I suddenly hear men talking outside my room, in the garage.I opened the door to the garage and find 3 men in there talking about the structure of the house.One of the men is going to be the new owner of the house at the end of January.Until then it is still my home that I share with a family.This is the second time the buyer barged onto the property with other people in tow, and helped themselves to the garage, which is just outside the door to the den, which is my bedroom.I don’t appreciate how he acts like he already owns the property and doesn’t respect me in it.
2. Do you already use this skill or parts of it?
no
3. Do you have a specific situation in mind that you’d like to practice here?
I would, but I am not feeling well and am not calm.I will practice this later.Thanks.
@purpleTree4652
Hey there ! It’s nice to hear you feel this could be helpful, I hope this skill or parts of it can prove helpful in the future !
As for the situation that happened to you the other dayit really sounds like this person isn’t respecting you and your privacy… Even if he’s going to be the new owner in some time, it doesn’t give him any right as of now… Do you feel like you could talk to him or anyone else who might help about it?
@LinearWavesI will talk to him if it happens again. But unfortunately, the current house owner is a childish bully who disrespects me and he happens to love the new owner. So, no support coming there. There is no one who can help me.
@purpleTree4652
I’m really sorry that the owner is such a childish bully… it’s really tough to get anywhere when dealing with childish people, even more when they’re bullies and disrespectful… Do you think that in these situations you could make some noise to let them know you’re here or that wouldn’t be of any help?
I don't think the owner gives a rats *** about me. I think he hates all women.
