nightmare big trigger warning
trigger warning sexual talk and other
words i can say in a poem that not sure we can say otherwise full of shame and ashamed too but want others to know the truth too even if they turn and run or say we deserved this too the ones we talking about in this are our brothers and a friend who went all the way that day within Christmas break i was 7yr almost 8yr it was not first time they touched me in that way as that was when i was only 3yr but this time it was more
nightmare
Lost within the nightmare
it carry me to places I do not want to be
back into the room with them
can not run for I am tied down
do not know this morning would be this way
they use their hands first
but then things change so fast
can not scream can not move
fear take over with the pain
not get what I done to deserve this
thought brothers were to keep little sister safe
not hurt them like this
not take from them what is not to be
so I lay in the wet bed unable to move
every time we shut our eyes
see this nightmare again
keep asking why why did they take my childhood from me
what did I do to make them hurt us so
no one cared at all
we just a girl not worth much
boys are worth so much more
they are what dad want to carry on their name
girl are only for sex, having kids and taking care of men
there duty is to server men
some would say that all they good for
so guess we learned that lesson younger then most girls
put in our place as a young childhood
taught what was expected of us we guess
but then thrown away like yesterday trash
good for nothing used and tossed
we unsure what to do with this lasting nightmare
as it from long ago but feel like it now
they say time heal everything
but is that true
will this night mare ever go away
others have but this one sticking around
not sure why this one is
maybe it is to go to the grave with us
we not sure as feel like it will last forever
flooded with the feelings now within the nightmare
but to ashamed to let other know this
what will they think of us
will they turn away from us due to we like dirty trash
not sure if they run away screaming from us in the nightmare
that what we was told would happen
if we told anyone
they said all would say it what we was born for
due to we only a girl we deserve this it our duty we was told
but not sure we believe this anymore
by stormie
@stormieandpaws This is such a raw and powerful piece, filled with so much pain and emotion. The honesty in your words is staggering, and you’ve captured the feeling of being trapped in a nightmare so vividly – both physically and emotionally. It’s heartbreaking to read about the suffering you’ve endured, and the impact it has had on your sense of self. The way you describe the silence, the fear, and the confusion is incredibly moving, and it’s clear how deeply this experience has affected you.
@azurePond
thank you just to beable to feel the emotions is amazing seeing we not think we really felt emotion since a very veey young age. looking back even by time we was 1yr we was acting in self harm ways to our self. but no one cared to find out why we just got more punishments. found out around the time we was 3yr we stopped talking for almost a year. we know why after flashbacks started. but our question why ones outside the family did not to seem to care at all. other things we did to self we ask same questions. also why the other girls got abused by the group of boys later in our childhood. were was all the parents why did none of them stop the abuse of the boys.
that the main things we wounder a lot too. as in teachers must have seen things too but did not even ask questions. so far most our abusers have got away with their actions of abuse. but two of them been in prisons and one died there. not for the abuse done to us. but for other abuse done to others.
as far as ones in my family one one kinda admitted to things. but he was abused by all too. he also was forced to abuse us. he would have got hurt worst if he had not. he like us has very little connected with oldest brother and parents. he told us few years ago he remembers nothing under the age of 14 yr old. but he unwilling to even find out. he not talk to us anymore. think he scared to do that too. think he might think he start remembering more of his childhood and he really does not want too. oldest brother say he never abused us at all. sad thing is almost all in community that know him believe him too. mom only makes excuses for herself dad and oldest brother even to this day. dad not know a lot of what on when he was working and he does not want to know say leave the past in the past. but for us that can not really be done in away as it affects everyday of our life still.
yes your right too about society being cruel in many ways. a lot blame the ones who been abused too. sadly it just how it is hope some day that changes too.
@stormieandpaws I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all of that, and I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be to carry those memories and unanswered questions. It’s heartbreaking to hear how little care or support you received, especially from people who should have been there for you. It’s not fair, and it’s so painful when others don’t even try to understand or help. I hope one day the world will be more compassionate and people will finally realise the importance of listening and supporting those who’ve been through trauma like you. Please know your feelings are valid, and you deserve to have your voice heard and your pain acknowledged. Take care of yourself.
@azurePond
thank you as many times we been told forget it and move on but when affects ones daily life that hard to do we done a lot of hard healing work. moved away from abusive family to new city. it all was hard and yes we getting others saying bad things about us moving too. but truth is they not really know how family members are behind closed doors too. so they not listen and not hear us due to they blind to truth most not really want to know truth either sadly. but we be healing making a new life for us too.