Cornered in stillness

I walk through the forest and can feel the cold air on my skin. 

I feel the stillness in the air and it's almost too much to handle. 

I somehow feel like I'm an intruder in my own body. 

As I'm walking I come across a clearing in the trees and sit down in the grass. 

I watch as the sun sets and I gaze in awe as sky changes from blue to pink to shimmering gold, in only a matter of minutes. 

As the sun dips below the horizon the first stars appear and begin to light up the night sky. 

I lay here in the grass shivering from the cold feeling more alone than I ever have before.  

I can hear the leaves of the trees blowing in the wind and can't help but wonder if even the trees are mocking me. 

It even feels as though the stars are a million eyes gazing down upon me judging me for my past. 

I suddenly want to curl up and just hide away from the world. 

But the thing is I can't keep running from my pain. 

But no matter how hard I fight I'm never enough. 

I constantly feel like I don't matter and I'm starting to believe I never will. 

My mind is constantly lying to me knowing sooner or later I'm going to break. 

I hear movement in the brush next to me and I'm jolted from my thoughts, grounded in the present moment. 

So I sit here alone and pull my knees to my chest, content with the quiet, and just exist. 

And for now that's all I need.