Emmett/Venus’ little pond 🐸 🌊 🦖

I’m not someone who exactly enjoys gossip all that much and feel rather uncomfortable with it.

And I find my classmates pretty annoying this year tbh 

but damn they have so much gossip to tell lmao

I’ve unintentionally become the quiet kid who knows everyone’s secrets. 🧍

So basically there was this large group of friends (maybe over 5 friends) 😛

and the “leader” (I’ll call them S) of the group had a fight with one person (M), and then that person left the group, but someone else (D) also left alongside them. 😄

and then the “leader” has yet another fight with another person (Who I’ll call w), who just happens to go join the other two. 😁

and so (W) one day came up to me and began gossiping and gossiping about (S) and talking *** and stuff, and then (S) notices we were talking and then comes up to me and drags me away for a few seconds and whispers that they think (W) is a bad person, and honestly it’s confusing because I still don’t know what happened between them and I don’t know who to side with. 😛

and then For (M) and (D), I’m usually just eating in class alone and then they come in and sometimes I hear them talking *** about (S), but (S) also does the same to them sometimes behind their backs. 👻

The thing is, alllllll these people somehow felt comfortable enough to tell me all these things lmfao. If it were for me I’d rather keep it secret and personal but oh well. 🤷

Idk I just thought of posting something so I posted this 🧍

I feel like the sun.

Not because I feel “bright” or cheery, probably the opposite of that.

No one (irl at least) acknowledges my presence unless a lunar eclipse occurs.

:’)

@LoveMyMoonFlowers

That sounds horrible ni 😔

I hope you feel better and happy 🩵

as for meeeee

Idek. lol.

I just feel ✨ nothingness ✨

@LoveMyMoonFlowers

*huggggssss*

Kattie is just Kattie 🐈‍⬛

he’s just as moody as I am so he probably doesn’t care 🤷🦖

To anyone who may see this, I kinda won’t be able to come online until around Thursday due to  final exams :/

soooo byeeeee

cookies and cakes for while I’m gone! 

🍪🍰🍪🍰🍪🍰🍪🍰🍪🍰🍪🍰🍪🍰🍪🍰🍪🍰🍪🍰🍪🍰🍪🍰🍪🍰🍪🍰🍪🍰🍪🍰

@The1NOnlyVenus Been thinking of you Emmett 💙

Under the table.

(TW: S@ related in a way)

I don’t feel safe.

There must be this gate..

One ever so great.

I don’t speak of great as though positive,

I speak of great as though tough, large in perspective,

Negative.

Guarding and watching,

It may let one in, 

it may kick one out.

But this one..

Always invades.

Leaving me to evade.

His actions..

Are they deliberate?

Are they okay?

Or is he just..

Careless?

Is he aware..

Of his hand under the table?

I feel uncomfortable.

Though he seems so comfortable.

No one stops him after all.

He sits beside me.

He looks behind me.

Me? I feel confined.

His looks are a lie,

His hands tell otherwise,

As they reach for my thigh.

I want to cry.

Are they aware? Of his hand under the table?

To speak, are they capable?

To realize, are they stable?

Or to his actions.. are they faithful

To him?

I must be dramatic.

Or he must be looking for something somatic.

No one stops him after all.

Does he believe his gifts make me trust him?

They don’t.

Does he believe that will make me like him?

I don’t.

Does he believe he’s my father?

He’s merely my mother’s husband.

Why do I bother?

No one stops him after all.

@The1NOnlyVenus

⚠️TW⚠️

(This is aimed at specific people ik irl, especially SOMEONE)

I’m bitter and tired tbh I feel like I’m losing everything, my academic skills, my social life, my motivation, my hope, my consistency and sense of purpose, everything comes crashing down at the most insignificant inconvenience and there’s nothing I can do about it but isolate myself from everyone because I force myself to believe that people around me are the problem when it could in fact be me and I don’t really see how it could be ME since I’m the one still alive to deal with myself every single day but that’s also lonely as *** because no one will truly understand me or how I feel or the way I am and so I’ll always be the ‘weird/quiet/loser’ that’s really easy to ignore because why would you bother with someone like that? I feel like I already knew I could never truly connect with people irl but now it’s hard even with people online, my friends always end up replacing/leaving me in some way so there must be something wrong with me but then again what if it’s not me because I genuinely try my best to be a good person and they’re the ones who won’t even put in the bare minimum in the friendship but it could still be ME that’s the problem because in the end I’m the one being left behind not my past friends and anytime I meet someone new, I get comfortable, open up just the slightest bit and then we never communicate again, how weird. I’m sorry for being too much I’m sorry for being attention seeking I’m sorry for being weird I’m sorry for being loud I’m sorry for being annoying I hope I cease to exist but in reality all I want is to live a stable life because why would I willingly choose to not exist if I didn’t have a *** life? I feel like people simply tolerate me when I’m around them because they feel obligated to but at the same time I wish they’d just be straight forward about not liking me because I’m an overthinker and I over-analyze things to somehow always make me the problem here just because you’re not including me, talking to other people and not bothering to even look at me, not once do you ever make me feel acknowledged and that really hurts but I can’t point it out because then I’m see as an attention seeker and maybe I should just shut up but I can’t help it because this is how I feel and I’m cursed to feel more empathy than you do so I’m more sensitive and feel things more deeply than I probably should and you not returning that for me slowly damages me and makes me regret being human and even trying to be understanding and kind to you because you don’t return what I give and that drains me but at the same time I can’t suddenly cut you off because then you’ll notice and ask why and if I told you why you’d think I’m being dramatic and that I should get over it and maybe I should but you’re also not bothering to see it from my perspective which is probably because you never had to live with what I live with and you complain about your siblings being annoying and I’m not even close with my siblings and you complain that your other friends are too loud meanwhile you’re not even TALKING to me and you complain about having to do so many chores at home while I have to work my *** off for everything and no on acknowledges anything I do but I also probably shouldn’t compare our problems with eachother because we all experience things differently but why am I bothering to be understanding of you when you never bothered to understand me? Why is it so hard for you to hold a conversation with me but you’re fine with calling/texting me? You can’t even justify that with saying “oh but I prefer calling/texting over talking irl” because I see you interact with EVERYONE.ELSE.BUT.ME. I’M SORRY I BOTHER YOU SO MUCH THAT YOUR ONLY MEANS OF COMMUNICATING WITH ME IS THROUGH A STUPID SCREEN. If you’re fine with texting/calling me but you’re not fine with talking to me irl (WHEN WE SEE EACHOTHER FIVE. DAYS. A WEEK) then get out of my *** face and either you don’t talk to me at all or you actually try and communicate with me, I won’t appreciate low effort put into trying to connect with me if you’re just fine with putting in more effort with other people. I am not less than anyone and if you refuse to accommodate to that then you may as well have never spoken to me to begin with. Why approach me for small talk? I hate small talk. Why approach me to simply make comments I didn’t ask for, go away. Get a hobby. You’re literally hobby-less and yet you’re still doing this? Get out of my faceeeee, do something else with your life. 

I just needed to rant I hate people right now