Hate

Hate

What is it?

A dark circle

Protected by judgement

Shaped by grudges

Made with the past

Everyone has some hate

For their teacher

For their siblings

For ex-friends

Maybe they didn’t like them

Because of some choices

Maybe they forgot about it now

But when they see them in 

The corner of their eye

That circle forms

Made by the past

However,

What if you see that person

Everyday

You can’t help it

You feel everything they do

Regret and embarrassment

Discust 

And it's you

Hurt

What if you saw yourself

When you were 4?

Run away little one

Don’t become

The girl who I am now

It hurts

What happened to me

Wish I could hide

Everything about me is wrong!

If only

If only

My body

Is like looking in a mirror

In a carnival house

Where it's always the wrong shape

Those made me laugh

Its past tense

Now I don’t laugh

Because I don’t know if its a bent mirror

Or I’m looking at myself

At this point they all look the same

Hide in my fear

Comfort?

Everything I do is wrong now

I can’t hang out 

Without making people rethink inviting me

At least that's what they look like

All my friends look annoyed and bored

Like they're saying

“Why did we choose you”

“Why are you still here”

And the thing is

I agree

Why am I still here

Stay, my heart screams

Stay!

Stay for your family and friends

But all I am is disappointment

Ending would be a relief

Mad at myself for just waking up 

In the morning

Still here

Why am I still here

I can’t look in mirrors anymore

I can’t go out anymore

It would help everyone

Even the people

Who stuck with me most

But I wont 

I couldn’t hurt everyone else

It would be selfish

It gets better

I hope

But

I’ve

Never

Felt

Hate

Like 

This