The Silent Collapse

My hands shake as I reach for something that isn't there. Searching for something to hold on to as my knees buckle and wobble beneath me. 

Pain engulfs me. 

It's as if I'm being held underwater by an invisible force. No matter how hard I fight, I can't come up for a breath of air. 

Head spinning as I try to untangle this chaos in my mind. Trapped in this mess I call my life, feeling as if there is no escape from this prison. 

Searching for a key to release me from my suffering. 

I stay up late at night, wondering if I am even worth healing. 

Funny how your mind makes you feel as if your pain isn't enough to be recognized. 

I'm slipping as little by little my strength gives out. Hoping for someone to grab me by the hand and pull me back to my feet. 

Screaming at nothing and everything at the same time, hoping for someone to hear me. 

I lay curled up doubting myself and regretting everything I did. 

Some nights I look up at the stars, and for only a few moments feel as if everything is going to be okay. 

And if only for a moment I believe it.