tw/ a meal

tw/ verbal abuse, body shaming. ed

those words will be stuck in my head till the day i d*e

youre so fat

i wish i could lie

but im not a mat

i have *** eyes

i see youre overweight

you need more exercise

but maybe its fate

for you to be like this

oh i wish i could forget

this insane diss

i heard when i was twelve

its been in my head everyday since 

playing like a broken record

everytime i sit down for a meal

oh you shouldnt eat that

itll make you even more fat

i simply watched as i ate less

as my weight fell quickly

i was a mess

i looked sickly

but only to others

i was still fat in my core to myself

if only my mother

had stopped to think about the effect

her words would have on me

maybe i wouldnt be 

so wary of how some calories affect me

but she didnt care

she still doesnt

she can only share

how what i do wasnt

a thing back when she was a kid

how everyone was normal

there were no disorders amid

even though they just werent formal

now everytime i look at a plate of food

i feel like a war rages inside of me

yo cmon man you know it tastes good

a few bites wont k*ll you 

cant you see?

oh my god no!

you better not touch that!

would you really stoop so low?

all thats got to give is fat

i cant control

the thoughts and urges

i cant find a loophole

all i can do is try and purge

these things out of my head

i dont eat breakfast anymore

usually dont feel like lunch or bread

i only eat dinner and furthermore

throwing up has become the usual

even if i dont feel well after

this lifestyle is brutal

i hear no laughter

anymore

i want to stop

i wish i could

but i cant swap

these thoughts so crude

for new ones

so i just sit

staring at the plate

eating bit by bit

to have a fate

and chance at beating this