tw/ another try another fail

tw/ *** attempt

i watched the time slip through my hands
as i sat staring at a wall
i really wanted to make amends
with all who had made me fall
i wished no ill
i wished no d*ath
on anyone but me
i stared at the pill
in my hands
thinking if i should let it be
if i should just give me one more day
but then my mind was plagued again
by all the wrong id seen
and the urge to leave this world
came over me again
it was now or never
i tipped the bottle to my lips
and swallowed them all dry
my throat burned but i made no pips
i couldnt even cry
i sat and stared for a while longer
bidding everyone goodbye
soon enough they took effect
my view tilted to the side
i lay on the cold bathroom floor
i wished i hadnt lied
to those who claimed they loved me
when in reality i was just useful
to those who really did love me
yet to them i just seemed woeful
my consciousness began to fade
my vission blurring slightly
this future that i had made
could not be taken lightly
i shut my eyes and drifted off
hoping for a calm end
a quick and painless cutoff
not wanting to extend
my time in this world
yet i woke up and i heard beeping
of a hospital machine
i acted like i was sleeping
feeling somewhere in between
life and d*ath
another failed attempt
i thought
i want to be exempt
i thought
from this living h*ll
no matter how much i tried to leave
i never seemed to be able to suceed
i never wanted anyone to grieve
my life if i did suceed
i just wanted to see the light
to let go and not to fight
or do what was considered right
i just wanted too sleep
forever