Night cycle

House lights

bright on snow as I closed my eyes

to another day extinguished

from all its struggling

and I had hopes

that the night would silence me too

but instead it birthed me

wretched and feverish at 1am

forsaken again

I laid frigid in denial

not again not again not again

but then I embraced the fate

of my broken archetype.

I did everything the experts told me to

and I grinned in cynicism proven true

as I laid awake and awake and awake

yet for all my lack of surprise

I wasn't brave in the face of my madness.

I clawed the depths of communities

to reap love

to reap reassurance

to commit to bettering myself

all the while rambling like a frightened child:

"Mom! Dad! Sister!! Where are you??"

Survival eventually won over insanity

and I finally slipped and fell soft...

Only to wake between two screams-

the alarm clock's and my own.