You deserve it
I slept
I slept like I needed to be jailed from life
like I did not have the permission
to fail again.
I slept as a punishment
sweeter than waking
but then I rose
to the mundane evil
of a Sunday afternoon.
And I caught my father's eye:
"You're relaxing! You deserve it."
And I could imagine myself
a normal girl-
how he could pluck off my thorns
in his mind
to make his life simpler.
He would let me rot
if it made his life easier.
I broke away from the house
in a routine escape-
a routine that always ended
in the defeat of a return:
Father screaming at a screen
Brother screaming at a screen
I don't exist
I don't exist as anything more than another complacent little screen-
cast your projections of a better life upon me.
I drank
as my father drinks
and he smiled upon my disorder:
"You deserve it."
My body is drowning in poison
My body is drowning in your delusions
but
I guess I deserve it.
@determinedSea4370
That was quite a savage poem. The volume of imperative statements add an aggressive weight to story you relay to the reader. There is an undercurrent of rebellious disagreement but It feels like it is quashed down under the theme of belittling. I think the last lines are very hard to take.
The author deserves kindness. I hope they receive it.
@BastionKnight I'm glad the poem was able to carry my emotions through. And thank you- it would certainly be a nice change to think I deserve kindness rather than punishment for once lol
@determinedSea4370
If you do not feel it, we must certainly work on making sure we all let you know you do. Wishing you nothing but good feelings and pleasant days.
@determinedSea4370
Like @BastionKnight commented - This is indeed a savage poem! The contrast between needing rest and punishment, between wanting to escape and the defeat of returning, creates such a raw, visceral feeling. The way you used imperative statements * chef's kiss * Just want to remind you: You deserve kindness, even if it feels like it's hard to find, even when you feel like you don’t deserve it. You deserve kindness simply for existing, simply because you are a living entity with a soul. <3
@azurePond Thank! This is such a thoughtful review