lynnias

hi, to whom ever might read this. it's not exactly a poem, it's more like... my confession if you may.

some of you, though i think it's improbable, you might know me. it's certain though that most of you don't. here's a quick presentation of *me*. my name is lynnias. i'm a trauma holder from the syrius system. i have been around for a while and recently decided to engage on 7cups since some alters said it was a nice place to blow off some steam.

now, whatever i say here, don't let it fog your perception of 7cups, this is my experience and my own emotional judgement, i bear no ill intension to  tarnish this place's reputation.

when i first started my journey here, it went as i expected but there were some exceptions. what i expected was being forgotten, ignored and overlooked. what i didn't expect was being seen and even sometimes taken care of. don't get me wrong, people on here are nice, they are loving but.. everytime i entered a chat room, no matter which one it was, i got ignored. ofcourse, i was used to it, no one ever paid attention to me even in real life, not even in the system. the one friend who ever talked to me left because of me so it wa no suprise that even here, the same thing would happen.

however, as stupid as i was, i kept on coming back, i don't know what i was looking for. maybe it was me trying to change, or my last cry for help, i guess we'll never find out. everytime i felt overwhelmed, i was on here, i entered a chat room, and got ignored, it hurt but i kept on coming back for more. now i realise how sturbon i was, but looking back, i don't think it would've been easy to let go. when i saw others being cared for, helped or even joking around, that friendly atmosphere, i wanted to be part of it. maybe i'm timid, maybe i'm just not meant for this place.

by making this forum post, first of all, i'd like to apologize to my fellow system members if this post get's them in trouble in the future. i also want to thank everyone who has ever showed me kindness and i want to show anyone who is going through the same thing, be it an alter or someone, i want to show them that they're not alone. maybe i was stupid to believe that i could ever be loved, maybe i just didn't deserve anyone's attention. maybe all that i'm doing now is in vain because no one will even bother to read this. but i couldn't care less.

i've grown tired, tired of having such thoughts, tired of trying everyday for it to end up failing. so, i've decided to rest. it's not like anyone needs me anywhere, be it here, in the system or even in real life. nobody even knows me in real life. so no one will notice that i'm gone, unless they stumble upon this so when i go dormant, i doubt anyone will even care..

i've said what i wanted to, i did my last plea..

this was lynnias- signing out