How Grief Rewires the Brain
“Thinking of grieving as a form of learning makes [grief] a little more familiar and helps us to understand,” said psychologist Mary-Frances O’Connor, author of The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn From Love and Loss. She came to understand grief was not just the addition of stress; more importantly, it was a profound subtraction. “It had not really occurred to me that the brain had to adjust to the loss of this person that provides all this comfort and reward, and we have to figure out how to live in the world with that absence.”
Our brains must learn to handle intense emotions, including sadness and its accompanying gremlins: guilt, rumination, and regret. While sadness is inevitable and healthy, the gremlins obstruct healing. One hypothesis posits that rumination is a way of trying to avoid the gut-wrenching sadness of pure grief, either by distracting ourselves with guilt and regret or living in a la-la-land of better outcomes. Today, here, now, is where some peace can be found: Yes, he is gone, but the sky is blue, and there’s a cardinal on the bird bath, and my coffee is hot. Would I rather he were here enjoying the morning with me? Of course. But he’s not, and wishing brings only pain. This is a mindfulness practice, of noticing when your mind wanders towards dark passages and pulling it back to the present moment.”
Read the whole article at Psychology Today
#Grief #Sorrow #Brain
💬 Do you have any advice on how to deal with the loss of a loved one?
@globalBraid3744
A touchy topic for me and many others, I feel, it's not uncommon to experience grief, something beautiful here is that we aren't alone with it.
Different people grieve differently for different things, the loss of a loved one, I feel is the most affecting and reasonably so, to never be able to see, hear, touch, be with someone ~ painful at its highest. :')
I do not have any advice nor do I wish to offer any, because no matter what anyone says, "it" doesn't get better, there is no thing as "doing better without a loved one", I feel.
While there's nothing "better", as they say, life doesn't really stop here and the show must go on, so it's valid for anyone to want to "feel" better, and get better at coping with loss, and grief, to wish for an easier time and to hope that their heart doesn't hurt as much in the time to come. ❤
So yes, it's possible to do and feel better sometimes, but then there will also be a moment where all comes rushing back and no matter how many years or whatever time has passed, it feels like just yesterday, of losing them.
Just yesterday that everything changed and life doesn't look as it did before anymore.
These waves, I feel they keep coming and going, and are inevitable. I've been trying to make more peace with them and lately have found something to be grateful for, even during these waves. I'm grateful that no matter how life looks for me now, or whatever I'm doing, or however I'm feeling, and no matter how much time has passed, somewhere despite everything, with all the "keep on going and moving forward", the emotions seep in and find a way back to me, the memories of loved ones are still there fresh, nice to be able to think of them, hear their voice in my mind, remember something they said or did, and in that moment, grief doesn't seem as bad, it feels like a connection with the loved one, again, very rightly said by someone that Grief is only misplaced love, or love that has no address. ❤
Something I wrote a little while back, to acknowledge those grieving, and trying their best every day to hold on and keep moving forward, all while keeping their loved one(s) and the love they shared in their heart~ A process, a journey --- not a single step, not the final destination. While not much comforts or makes it better, we can always try to treat each other and ourselves gently with lots of patience, kindness, compassion and love. ❤
*offering comfy hugs to anyone needing them*
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
I couldn't agree more with your words! I think everyone should be aware that each person has their own way of grieving.
As you said there will be moments when all memories rush back no matter how much time has passed since the loss and we must acknowledge and accept it. It is okay to feel this way and be overwhelmed at times. Important is to have someone around who is there to listen or offer a hug when needed.
Thank you for sharing your article A process, a journey --- not a single step, not the final destination with us. I think it is very helpful and accurate ❤
@globalBraid3744 Indeed hehe, thankyou so much, Braid! Keep up the great work!❤
