How People-Pleasing Behavior Affects Self-Worth
"A need for external validation (people-pleasing) is learned early in our lives, often when unrealistic expectations and a need to be “perfect” outweighed any authenticity or emotional connection.
Invalidating or abusive environments in our childhood can be internalized as negative self-beliefs that wind up limiting our ability to trust in ourselves. The result is that we develop a mindset that to be “perfect” we need to turn to others for approval and validation.
Many who identify as being stuck in a pattern of seeking external validation also struggle with depression, fears of abandonment, and a “fawning” response (Walker, 2014) which may include the use of flattery, being overly helpful or accommodating and having a lack of personal boundaries.
How People-Pleasing Behavior Can Affect A Person
Over time, constant people-pleasing behavior negatively affects many areas of a person’s life including:
- Deep sense of guilt and shame
- Negative impact on self-worth and self-esteem
- Questioning who they “are” outside of seeking approval from others
- Difficulty to manage relationships, tasks, or duties because of over-obligation
- Inability to make decisions on their own (developing a “freeze” trauma response)
- Having their boundaries constantly overstepped, or an inability to create healthy boundaries.
Stopping the Pattern
@comfortableNight4463
I also struggle with people-pleasing behavior. Many times I feel like it is my responsibility to help others and often I prioritize it over my well-being. I am currently trying to work on this and set my boundaries.
I was raised in a way that made me a people pleaser as well....
I am not even sure when for sure but one day i just was fed up........... as people took advantage time and time again of my simple nature to give in and it felt like being in line for a long time and letting everyone cut ahead of me. I know my worth and no longer put my items aside to accommodate anyone else
IMO people pleasing does not get you anything ... people do not respect you they act nice because they know you will cave into requests.
@toughTiger6481
I totally agree, given the performance driven world we have today it's so easy to fall into dangerous habits of people pleasing, this only sets you up to be taken advantage of down the line.
@comfortableNight4463
Learning to say no to a request is definitely one way to practice not people pleasing especially if it's a request that's not necessarily vital or important to something. Learn to understand yourself and your limits. If it's in your ability to help others, it's making sure you're doing it off not with a mindset of making the other person happy primarily.
