How to Be Happy for Others, Even When You’re Unhappy

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Feeling happy for others doesn’t invalidate your own struggles

When we feel sad, anxious, and dissatisfied with the status of our lives, it’s easy to get stuck in those feelings. But it is possible, and mentally healthy, to experience both negative and positive emotions at once. Sharing in the happiness of others doesn’t change our own circumstances or emotions, but it can give us a break from them. Take some time to celebrate the milestones of friends and family, even if you don’t feel celebratory. Most of the time, our loved ones do not expect us to be euphoric over their happiness when we are having a hard time. But we may be surprised at how our mood can change when people we love are doing well.

Reflect on how things change over time

Spend some time thinking about what others have gone through. Most people are not constantly happy nor do things always work out for them. In fact, feeling happy for the successes and joys of others can remind us that circumstances change. At least some of our friends and family have probably gone through hard times as well. Seeing how the lives of others change over time can be encouraging. The friend who was unemployed now has a new job. The sibling that was single has found a partner who makes them happy. Even though the happy news of others is not about us, the ways that the lives of others change gives us hope for our future.

Challenge negative thoughts regarding the happiness of others

When it’s been awhile since we’ve had happy news to share, it’s easy to get into a negative spiral with our own thoughts. But this makes it harder for us to be happy for others, and it ultimately doesn’t do us any good, either. For example, we may think that some people have all the good luck. Or we may wonder how others are able to get things they want when it feels like our own life is always challenging.

Not only do these thoughts prevent us from being happy for others, they keep us stuck with a negative cycle in our own heads. We must catch ourselves in this spiral and offer alternatives that are healthier. For instance, we can say things like, "my turn is coming," or, "It’s good to see things work out." Generate thoughts that get your brain out of the spin cycle of negativity.

Express happiness to your friends out loud

Even if you’re not sure you’re feeling up to it, call your friend to congratulate them on their good news. Send a text to thank someone for the lovely holiday card, even if it reminds you they have a family you don’t have yet. It isn’t necessary to make a grand gesture if you’re not feeling up to it. But a small gesture to let them know that you care about their happiness and well-being will accomplish both the goal of strengthening your relationship and reminding you that good things come to us in time."

Read the complete article available at Psychology Today!

Reflection:

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