Simple Steps for Managing Holiday Loneliness

“Loneliness and aloneness are not the same thing,” said Kory Floyd, a professor of communication at the University of Arizona and the author of “The Loneliness Cure.” Loneliness is subjective. During the holidays, you can be surrounded by friends and family and feel totally isolated. Alternatively, you can be alone and feel completely at peace.

When loneliness hits, it is possible to help yourself through it and lighten the feeling, experts say. These five strategies can help.

1. Do something for others

Volunteering is a proven buffer against stress and depressive symptoms and can be particularly effective in lessening feelings of isolation. That is because loneliness tends to draw people’s attention inward, while giving back turns it outward, Dr. Floyd said.

Informal gestures help ease feelings of isolation, as well. Dr. Holt-Lunstad led research showing that performing small acts of kindness toward neighbors — like dropping off groceries, watering their plants or simply chatting for a bit — can help people feel less solitary.

2. Tap into your creativity

There is growing research linking creative expression to reduced loneliness, Dr. Holt-Lunstad said. For example, a recent study found that during the pandemic, people have reported feeling less lonely on days they were more creative than usual, even if they did the activity solo.

Creative expression can take many forms, Dr. Holt-Lunstad said. You might paint or craft. Perhaps you write or play an instrument. Maybe you finally take on that D.I.Y. project in your home.

3. Challenge your internal narratives

Dr. Floyd suggested “reframing,” a tactic he uses often in his own life. It is all about challenging your self-talk to shift your perspective by asking yourself: What is an unhealthy narrative running through my head right now, and how could I change it? For instance, if you are having a small family get-together, concentrate on appreciating the people who are attending rather than focusing on those who are not. If you are away from home and missing a favorite tradition, make a list of other elements of the season that bring you joy and direct your attention to them.

4. See alone time as an opportunity

If you’re spending more time alone than you’d like, make an effort to do something with that time that feels indulgent, Dr. Floyd said. Take a walk in the moonlight. Get lost in a book. Bake your favorite dessert and eat it right away.

5. Make peace with your loneliness

One of the hard parts about feeling lonely around the holidays is the sense that you’re the only one in that position. All of the experts interviewed for this story said it can be helpful to remind yourself that it’s simply not true. And while strategies like reframing and cultivating gratitude can help mitigate loneliness and sorrow, it is also important not to deny your feelings.

Be gentle with yourself.

“I think what can be comforting to us, as humans, is to allow ourselves to feel the longing and the loss and even the loneliness,” Dr. Munson said, “as opposed to feeling embarrassed or ashamed about the feelings we experience.”

Read the full article on The New York Times

✨Takeaway: While the holidays are a time for celebration and getting together, they can also make some people feel lonely. Everyone experiences loneliness occasionally, so it makes natural that for some people, this feeling rises around the Christmas season. These techniques can be helpful whether you're virtually cut off from your loved ones or feel alone amid a sea of acquaintances.

✨Reflection: What do you do to cope with holiday loneliness?

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