The Benefits of ‘Wise Selfishness’

"Selfishness gets a bad rap — which, for the most part, is richly deserved. Nobody likes people who hog the ball, perhaps because we see in those people a reflection of our own lurking capacity for greed. We say we care about others, but as the comedian George Carlin used to joke, we still take the bread from the middle of the loaf.

Aside from avoiding hypocrisy and public relations issues, there are many other reasons not to be selfish. Research suggests that compassionate, generous people are happier, healthier, more popular and more successful.

And yet, we all need to have some self-interest. If we lived in a state of perpetual altruistic concern, refusing to speak up for ourselves and generally being doormats, that would constitute what one Tibetan Buddhist teacher called “idiot compassion.”

So how do we strike a balance?

So if you want to do selfishness better, work to cultivate a compassionate mind-set. Research suggests that capacities such as compassion and altruism are not unalterable factory settings, but skills to develop. Here are four strategies for accessing this upward spiral yourself.

• Try loving-kindness meditation

Sit quietly, close your eyes and call to mind a succession of people. Start with someone who’s easy to love, like a pet or a child. As soon as you have a mental image of that person, silently send four kind thoughts their way: May you be happy; may you be safe; may you be healthy; may you live with ease. Then move on to yourself, a mentor, a neutral person, a difficult person and then all beings everywhere.

• Talk to other people

Focus on increasing the number of positive interactions you have throughout the day, including with strangers at coffee shops and in elevators. Studies have shown that these “micromoments” are a powerful driver of happiness. This practice is a powerful corrective to the lack of social connection that so many of us experience.

• Dedicate your everyday tasks to other people

Before starting any activity, take a second to dedicate whatever you’re about to do to the benefit of all beings. Seriously. Before you brush your teeth, take a nap or eat a sandwich, silently say to yourself something like: I’m doing this so I can be strong and healthy — not just for myself, but so that I can be helpful to other people.

• Take advantage of small opportunities for generosity

Science tells us that being generous benefits both the recipient and the giver. FMRI scans show that being generous activates the same parts of the brain as dessert. It’s called the “helper’s high.” And the gesture doesn’t have to be grand. You don’t have to rush into a burning building. It can be as simple as holding the door open for someone, giving a compliment or texting someone who is having a hard time."

Read the full article on The New York Times