The Necessary Evil of Sacrifices in Romantic Relationships
"One type of pro-social behavior in intimate relationships involves making sacrifices. Sacrifice refers to giving up one’s immediate preferences and goals for the good of one’s relationship or partner’s well-being and happiness. Sacrifice differs from other pro-social behaviors, like heroic behaviors. Sacrifice occurs “when people initially have an immediate self-oriented preference but then decide not to pursue it, after considering outcomes for the partner or the relationship.”
Self-sacrifice is not the only way to resolve conflicts of interest. There are other options: Each party could go their own way (e.g., order different foods, take separate vacations) or find a compromise (e.g., buy a crossover instead of either a sedan or an SUV). Having said that, sometimes sacrifice is necessary for maintaining a romantic relationship.
To illustrate, suppose a man is offered a lucrative job, which requires relocating to a small town; however, his wife desires to continue to live in the big city. Here, one solution involves a sacrifice. The question is, who should make the sacrifice? Perhaps the answer depends on the cost of sacrifice (for each member). If the man already has a great job, for instance, refusing the lucrative offer will be a small sacrifice on his part, particularly if his spouse has needs (e.g., relationship needs, medical care) better met in the big city.
An alternative solution, in situations involving less consequential decisions, is for the members of a couple to take turns making sacrifices. For example, listening to one partner’s favorite music while driving to a friend’s home and the other partner’s favorite music on the way back.
Reducing the negative effects of sacrifice
If you are the one making a sacrifice:
- Try to underestimate the costs of the sacrifice.
- Think more about what you have gained from the sacrifice than what you have lost.
- Focus on your romantic partner’s well-being.
And if your partner is the one who is making a sacrifice:
- Put yourself in your partner’s place, so you can better understand and appreciate the costs of the sacrifice.
- Express your gratitude.
- Validate your partner’s interests, desires, and needs.
Key Points
- Sacrifice means giving up one’s immediate preferences and goals for the good of one’s relationship or partner’s well-being and happiness.
- Though a willingness to sacrifice is associated with positive outcomes, actual sacrifice is linked with lower personal well-being.
- One can reduce the negative effects of sacrifice by reframing the sacrifices one has made and by showing gratitude for the sacrifices received."
#Relationships #Sacrifice #Decision #Well-being
Read the full article here.
💬 What are your thoughts on the role of self-sacrifice in the relationship?
@globalBraid3744 Sacrifice can be so hard in relationships! That's something that I am learning how to work through with my boyfriend currently. Even though I've been with him a long time, it's a long distance relationship so I'm still living without much sacrifice. I am able to live my life the way I want most of the time and that's how I like it 😅 I'm also a pretty strong personality type so sometimes my say is what usually goes. That sounds horrible, but I promise it's not the way it sounds. My boyfriend is super quiet and I'm more of the "alpha" in the relationship. Future plans are starting to be talked about and we've definitely had our fair share of disagreements when planning our future.
@fruityPond7887
I can relate to that! I have been in a long-distance relationship for many years myself. It is really great that most times it is not difficult to make decisions for you two. I also think there is nothing wrong with one partner deciding more if the other is rather silent and does not have a strong preference. I wish you all the best with planning the future together!
@globalBraid3744 I agree! I think it's something that we just have to learn to communicate about and work through as it comes! Wishing you happiness in your LDR as well!
@fruityPond7887
Thank you! The exciting news is that we are going to move in together in the following months, finally after many years! I wish you will be able to be with your boyfriend soon as well!
@globalBraid3744 Aw that's great! I wish you all the best memories and all the fun for the two of you! <3
@fruityPond7887
Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate it :)
@globalBraid3744
As someone who recently got into a romantic relationship I really found this article interesting and relatable to my situation. I understand that in the beginning the relationship can be quite all flowers and hearts as you might think you guys were perfect and meant for each other. However, as time comes I understand that it'll be difficult as two people aren't exactly alike and compromises have to be made eventually.
@sunnyWriting4806
Well said! I wish you happiness in your new relationship.
